


Not A Bad Thing

by assbuttsinlove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baking, Everyone is Queer, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Food, Genderswap, Misunderstandings, Photography, Rule 63, Weddings, baker!deanna, photographer!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assbuttsinlove/pseuds/assbuttsinlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bela makes a bet that Castielle can't have a one night stand.  Castielle proves her wrong, of course, and wins the bet, but then she ruins it all when she asks the girl to spend the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Call It Off

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [SPN Femslash Mini-Bang](http://spnfemminibang.livejournal.com/) . Thanks to the mods for putting it together!! 
> 
> The lovely artwork, featured in chapter four, was done by [Ivy](http://casbloom.tumblr.com/) . You can find the art masterpost [here](http://casbloom.tumblr.com/post/96900679090/my-artwork-for-dumplingdeans-lovely-fic-for-the/). Thank you so much for the beautiful pieces, I love them! 
> 
> Thank you to my beta and biggest cheerleader, [Fea](http://www.jimmynovakisaved.tumblr.com) . This fic would probably be sitting in a folder unfinished without you.
> 
> And thanks to everyone on tumblr who took the time to leave kind and encouraging messages, for listening to me whine about writing, and everything in between. You guys are awesome! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [dumplingdean](http://www.dumplingdean.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Please excuse any errors/typos, and if you see any, do let me know!

_"maybe I would have been something you'd be good at. maybe you would have been something I'd be good at."_

* * *

“I mean _really,_ she ordered the house red,” Bela groused as she bit into her chicken wing.  

Castielle looked over at her and frowned.  She knew from years of experience that she would never understand Bela Talbot, no matter how hard she tried.  “What’s wrong with the house red?  I get that all the time,” Cas asked.  

Bela groaned and took another bite of her chicken, chewing delicately on the meat even though her fingers were covered in BBQ sauce.  “Of course _you_ order the house red, dear.  But I forgive you, you’re an artist, it’s all you can afford,” she said with a sweet smile.  

Cas rolled her eyes.  As much as she wanted to be offended by Bela’s remarks, she found that she couldn’t bring herself to bother.  She had spent far too much time with her and had come to realize that Bela was never mean on purpose, she was simply brutally honest, and even though her words would sometimes sting, they tended to be true.  Cas knew where Bela was coming from and she knew the kinds of things she expected on dates.  Apparently, ordering the house red was another thing to add to that list.  

“I’m guessing you slept with her?” Cas asked dryly.   

Bela scoffed as she reached for another chicken wing.  “What kind of girl do you think I am, Cas?  For God’s sake…” she said, her voice trailing off.  

Cas squinted and rounded on her.  “You did, didn’t you?” she pressed.

Bela’s cheeks had the faintest tinge of pink to them and she quickly took a bite of her chicken.  “Well…I mean, I’m not a nun, am I?” she sputtered indignantly.

Cas laughed and reached for her beer.  “You can’t keep it in your pants.  You lost the bet, fair and square,” she said happily.  

“This whole thing was ridiculous and I don’t even know why I agreed to do it,” Bela huffed.  

“The _point_ was to prove that you can’t date, Bela, and that’s okay.  Monogamy isn’t for you. I still love you,” Cas teased.  

Bela growled and continued to eat her chicken wing in sullen silence, mulling over her defeat.  

Cas sighed happily as she settled back into the plush couch cushions.  If there was one thing she enjoyed about coming over to Bela’s apartment, it would have to be the furniture.  Bela spared no expense when it came to comfort, and splurged on the most expensive things she could find.  Cas took another sip of her beer and closed her eyes.  Just thinking about her own apartment made her shudder.  In reality, her apartment wasn’t terrible, she simply found it harder to appreciate the smaller space and cheaper furniture when she was lolled off on a couch that probably cost more than everything she owned three times over.  

“What do I have to do again?” Bela asked finally.

Cas opened her eyes and looked over at her friend.  She grinned.  “I need a model,” she said sheepishly.

Bela groaned and threw down her chicken bones into her plate.  “I’m not going to have to be naked, am I?” she asked.

Cas laughed.  “Only if you want to be.  I was gonna pay someone to sit in for me this weekend but…you’ll do just fine,” she said as she licked her fingers clean.

Bela muttered something below her breath and shook her head.  “Fine,” she grumbled.  She reached forward and set her plate on the coffee table before getting up and stretching.  “Oh my, would you look at the time,” she said with a yawn.  

“All that losing got you worn out?” Cas asked with a wink.  

“Oh shut it, you,” Bela grumbled as she padded out of the living room.  “Get you another beer?” she asked.

Cas drained her Stella and shook her head.  “No, I think I’m good,” she said.  She leaned forward and slid her plate onto the glass coffee table, picking up a napkin and cleaning off her fingers.  When she was done, she pulled out her phone from her pocket and went into her Inbox, searching for the girl who had responded to her Craigslist ad for a part time model.  She found it quickly, and tapped the screen, watching as it began to dial.  

“Hello?”

Cas sucked in a breath.  She felt unwelcome butterflies brush against the inside of her stomach when the girl’s voice came through her speaker.  “Hey, is this Dee?” she asked.  

“Yeah, this is she, who’s asking?” the person asked brusquely.  

“This is CC…I had talked to you earlier about sitting in for me this weekend for some things for my portfolio?” she said.  

“Oh, oh, CC. Right, yeah, sorry I didn’t recognize your number.  If you’re calling to confirm then yeah, I’m still interested.”

Cas’ heart sunk into the pit of her stomach and she made a face.  She hated being the bearer of bad news of any kind, and even though she and this girl didn’t have any type of contract set in stone, she still felt terrible about telling her that she didn’t need her anymore.  The amount of beer in her system wasn’t helping either, if anything, it made her feel worse.  

“Hello?”

“Oh hey, sorry about that…look I…I’m really, _really_ sorry but I think I found someone else to stand in for me this weekend,” she said.  She heard a little sigh and she cringed.  

“Oh…well that’s too bad.  I was looking forward to the extra cash,” Dee said sadly.  

“I know, and I’m so sorry, it’s just that I found someone who would do it for free so…”

“Oh, no I get it, it’s totally cool,” Dee said.  

Cas chewed on her bottom lip, unable to ignore the hurt in the girl’s voice on the other end of the line.  

“Well listen, if you ever need a model, I’m available.  You should save my number.”

Cas chuckled and nodded.  “Will do.  Thanks.”

“Yeah don’t mention it.  Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”

“Yeah, totally—” she stopped short when she realized that the girl had already hung up.    

Bela came back into the living room and plopped back down onto the couch, worming her way over to Cas.  “Cas, do I _really_ have to model for you?” she whined.  

Cas nodded and slipped her phone back into her pocket.  “Yes, I’ve already canceled my other session so, get ready,” she said with a smug smile.  

Bela groaned.  “You’re the absolute worst,” she mumbled.

Cas grinned.  “I know.”

“You know, I’m beginning to think that this challenge wasn’t at all fair…you’re…you don’t understand what it’s like…you preyed on my weakness for pussy,” Bela said with a pout.

“Well obviously I did.  That’s how the best bets are made, aren’t they?” Cas asked.  

Bela stared at her for a moment, her eyes unfocused and then she sat back, a smile curling on her lips, very much like the Cheshire cat’s grin.  “Well then, I have a proposition for _you_ ,” she said.  She threaded her fingers together and cleared her throat.  

Cas shifted and turned to face Bela.  “Which is?”

“A one night stand,” Bela said simply.  

Cas scoffed at her.  “A one night…oh come on Bela, I have those all the time,” she said.  She rubbed the back of her neck and hoped that Bela didn’t notice.  

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying,” Cas countered.

“Oh really?  When was the last time you got some tail, Cas?  I mean really?” she asked.  

Cas made a face but didn’t respond.  Truth was, she could remember the _exact_ last time she had hooked up with someone. It had been over six months ago.  One of Bela’s friends, Balah.  They had met at Bela’s birthday party and somehow ended up back at Cas’ place where they had drunk sex.  It wasn’t even satisfying, if Cas recalled correctly, and she clearly remembered seeing the girl scrutinizing one of her prints that hung on the wall in the living room with a confused expression on her face.  “I’ve just hit a bit of a dry spell, that’s all.  Too busy working,” she said.  

Bela laughed, a light airy thing that seemed to tinkle throughout the room.  “Yes, is that what you call it.  I seem to recall Balah,” she said with a smirk.  

Cas groaned and swung her legs off the couch.  “Yes, _Balah_ , what kind of name is that anyway?” she snapped.

“It’s short for Balthazar.  Her parents _really_ wanted a boy. I think it’s Hebrew or something,” Bela said with a shrug.  

“I know that,” Cas said through her teeth.  She picked up her plate and her beer bottle and walked out of the living room towards the kitchen.  She threw her chicken bones into the garbage and put her plate in the sink before putting her bottle into the recycle bin.  When she turned around she nearly jumped out of her skin.  Bela was standing in the kitchen, arms folded across her chest, leaning up against the fridge.  She had a cruel looking smirk on her face as she observed Cas.  

“A one night stand, Cas.  I’m sure you can do it,” she teased.  

“Yeah, I’m sure I can,” she said angrily.  

“No need for you to get defensive.  I know how hard it is, being a serial monogamist, and not being able to fuck without commitment,” she said.  

“I can _fuck_ without commitment,” Cas said.  

“Right, and I’m the Queen of England,” Bela said, rolling her eyes.  “Come on, be a good sport, I played your game, now you play mine,” she said.

Cas swallowed thickly and turned on the faucet.  She wasn’t sure if she was interested in playing any of Bela’s games.  She kept her gaze focused on the plate in her hands, washing off the remnants of her dinner, the little flecks of meat and BBQ sauce slid off the plate and into the sink.  She weighed her options.  The pros of the challenge would be, of course, _sex_.  The cons would be…having to deal with finding someone to have sex with, having a one night stand, and you know, _sex_.  She sighed.  Maybe Bela was right, maybe it was time for her to be a good sport, Bela, after all had agreed to her challenge, albeit she was drunk when she agreed but still, she went out on a date, and she tried.  

Perhaps Cas could try too.  

“And what do I get if I win?” Cas asked, trying not to sound too interested.  

Bela hummed and tapped on her chin.  “Well…I suppose I _could_ arrange for you to use a nice studio…you know…a professional one.  For your photography and what not,” she said with a little shrug.  

Cas placed her plate on the dish rack and turned to face Bela.  “What do you mean a ‘professional one’?” she asked as she made air quotes with her fingers.

Bela laughed and walked over to her.  She gently patted Cas’ cheek and squeezed it affectionately. “Aren’t you just a peach.  A _studio_ , studio.  One of those fancy ones, you’ll get equipment…lots of space, lovely natural light…I’ll pay for everything.  All you have to do is…well you know what you have to do,” Bela said.  

“It kind of sounds like prostitution,” Cas said flatly.  

Bela laughed again, the sound akin to that of a wine glass shattering.  “Oh darling…come on, what do you say?” she asked.  

Cas chewed on her bottom lip and stared up into Bela’s eyes.  The offer was tempting.  A full studio, equipment, all paid for at her disposal.  She reached for a dishtowel and dried her hands before planting them on her hips.  “One fuck.”   

Bela clapped her hands together excitedly and she smiled.  “One fuck.  And then you never speak to her again.  Simple, elegant, to the point.”

Cas sighed dramatically.  She wasn’t sure what exactly was simple and elegant about a one night stand, in her experience, they were never any good, at least not for her.  “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she said wearily.

Bela giggled.  “It’s for a good cause.  Think of all the lovely photos you’ll have in your portfolio,” she said smugly.  

Castielle smiled wanly at Bela and rolled her eyes.  “You’re just a regular Mother Teresa, aren’t you?”

“Oh you know me.  Always willing to lend a helping hand.”

* * *

“Bennie, I need a tuna melt, whole wheat bread, American cheese, and go easy on the mayo,” Deanna snapped as she slid the ticket on the counter.  

Bennie poked her head through the window and frowned.  “What crawled up your ass and died?” she drawled.  

Deanna rolled her eyes and walked over to a large display case that held several pies, as well as a variety of different cakes.  “Nothing,” she said moodily, as she opened the glass door.  The shelves inside immediately stopped rotating and she reached in to cut a thick slice of Strawberry Shortcake.  

“Yeah, right, I know you better than you think, Winchester, what’s wrong?”

Deanna muttered something below her breath as she slid the cake onto a saucer.  “Krissy, table three!” she said to the younger girl sitting on a stool at the end of the counter.  

Krissy looked up from her phone and made a face.  “Yeesh, no need to get your panties in a twist,” she said as she got up from her seat.  

Deanna planted a hand on her hip and fumed.  “Yeah, well I’m in charge of this shift, and if you want to have another one tomorrow, then I trust you’ll put that damned cell phone away and go wait on your tables,” she said angrily.  

Krissy shot her a dirty look as she picked up the plate and walked away, muttering something below her breath.  

“Dee,” Bennie said softly from behind her.  

Deanna turned around and sighed.  “What?”

Bennie observed her for a few moments and then shook her head.  “You wanna take a break?  I can man the—”

“You can man the counter and work in the kitchen at the same time? Bennie unless you’ve somehow developed the talent to be in two places at once then I don’t think that’s—”

“Alright, Alright,” Bennie said softly.  “It was just a suggestion.  I’m gon’ make that tuna melt now,” she said, retreating back into the kitchen.  

Deanna groaned softly and stared regretfully at the now-empty window.  Bennie was one of her best friends, she was one of the sweetest, kindest girls she had ever met, and always looked out for Deanna, no matter what.  Deanna hated being mean, she hated being cranky but try as she might, nothing could snap her out of the funk she had been in since that girl had called her earlier today to cancel their weekend session.  She wasn’t even sure _why_ she was so bothered.  It wasn’t like she was going to make a lot of money from the shoot anyway.  The ad had said something like $60 bucks, but still, that was an extra $60 bucks that she could have used for food, or to put towards her rent which was looming in the distance.  

She wasn’t broke.  She lived comfortably enough, splitting the rent and the bills three ways with Bennie and Charlie.  They had somehow managed to snag a nice three bedroom apartment on the third floor of a building with an _elevator,_ a working one at that.  Her younger sister Sam was away at college, doing quite well and making a name for herself at Stanford where she was currently cruising by on a full ride.

And though Deanna could safely say that for the first time in a long time she was…in a good place, so to speak, she knew that she wouldn’t be satisfied until she was working at a place of her own.

Ever since her and Bennie had graduated from Culinary school, they had been saving money and biding their time, working at the diner, picking up all the extra shifts along with whatever odds and ends they could find.  It had been grueling, but they both knew that the end result would be worth it: a place that they could call their own, being their own bosses, and of course: baking the most delicious cakes and pies in Brooklyn.    

Allowing her irritation to bleed out through her hands, she began to wipe down the counter, listening to the general hum of the diner.  There weren’t many people out tonight, and she watched as Krissy seamlessly flit between the tables, pouring cups of fresh coffee and making sure they were all doing okay. She jumped when Bennie rang her bell, perhaps a little harder than usual and she quickly turned around to grab the sandwich when she saw a familiar face in the kitchen window.  

“Ellen?”

The older woman smiled at her warmly and winked.  “Hey there,” she said.  

Deanna frowned.  “What are you doing here?  You aren’t scheduled to be in for another hour.”  

Ellen shrugged and walked out of the kitchen, holding onto a plate with the tuna melt.  “I didn’t have anything to do so I figured I’d come in early and give you a break,” she said.  “Krissy! Get your butt over here!”

Deanna watched quietly as Krissy came over and took the tuna melt from Ellen without so much as a peep.  

Ellen picked up the rag that she had been using to clean and began to wipe up the counter.  “You can go home now, honey.  Get some rest, you deserve it.”

Deanna wanted to be angry.  She wanted to be upset about the fact that Bennie had called Ellen and asked her to take over her shift, but she was so tired, she couldn’t bring herself to be mad.  Instead she quietly untied her apron and shuffled into the kitchen to hang it up and grab her things from the closet.  

“You’re fucking terrible, by the way,” she said as she walked past Bennie.  

Bennie gave her a shrug and an innocent look.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said with a little smile.  

Deanna opened the closet and pulled out her jacket and her purse.  “Yeah, sure.”

Bennie watched her as she shrugged on her jacket and zipped it up. “You need a break, Dee. You’re spreadin’ yourself too thin.  At least this way you’ll get some time alone in the apartment, just relax a bit.”

“And what are we gonna do about the hour I’m gonna miss here, huh?  Did you think about that?  That’s a whole hour’s worth of pay that…” her voice trailed off and she sighed.  

Bennie crossed her arms over her chest and cocked an eyebrow.  “What’s the use of the money if you’re dead, Dee? You’re gonna work yourself into exhaustion…I’m tellin’ you.  Slow, down.”

If there was one thing Deanna didn’t know how to do, it was ‘slow’.  She had become so used to being constantly in motion, hopping from one job to the next, the thought of slowing down to relax made her dizzy.  “How do I relax, Bennie?” she asked tiredly.  She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes.  

“Draw yourself a bath, just don’t fall asleep in it,” Bennie chided.

Deanna yawned despite herself and nodded.  “Fine, I’ll see you later then,” she said as she headed for the back door.

“See ya,” Bennie said before turning back to the stove.  

Once outside, Deanna pulled out her cell phone, shivering from the chill lingering in the air.  She scrolled through her contact list and hit the call button when she found the one she was looking for.  She looked up at the darkness above her, and she could see some stars twinkling, barely visible in the night sky.    

“Hello, _Envy_ , this is Tamara speaking how can I help you?” the person asked in a clipped, British accent.  

“Hey T, it’s Deanna.”

Immediately, Tamara’s entire demeanor changed.  “Dee, what’s good? Are you swingin’ by tonight, I could really use your help.”

Deanna frowned and glanced at her wristwatch.  It was only eleven, and even though she was tired, she wasn’t _that_ tired.  “Hell yeah, I just left _The Roadhouse_ , I’ll be over there in twenty,” she said.

“Excellent.  See you soon.”

Deanna hung up and slipped the phone back into her pocket.  She knew Bennie would be furious with her if she knew that she had just taken a shift at the bar, but she didn’t care.  At least it would make up for the time that she could have spent working at the diner.  She shoved her hands into her pockets and headed in the direction of the subway.


	2. Wake Up Exhausted

"I wake up exhausted, it's not morning. it's back to sleep, to re-dream me."

* * *

Cas woke up to the shrill sound of her alarm piercing the stillness of her room.  She groaned and blindly reached out for her nightstand where her phone sat, vibrating and beeping madly. “Shut the fuck up,” she snapped as she hit the snooze button.  She slid the phone back onto the night stand and closed her eyes once more.  She had class today at ten.  A seminar, for about two hours, before she started her shift at the store.  

Her phone buzzed again but this time, someone was calling her.  Angry, she sat up and looked over at the phone, wondering who would even bother calling her before 9.  

She shook her head when she realized who it was: her mother.  She debated as to whether she should answer, or if she should just let it go to voicemail.   With a regretful sigh, she picked up the phone and hit the answer button.  “Hello?” she said, her voice groggy with sleep.

“Castielle, it’s good to hear your voice, dear,” her mother chirped.  

Cas rolled her eyes.  “How are you, mother?” she asked.  

“Oh just fine.  I haven’t heard from you in a while…I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I’m great, mom,” she said dryly.  She closed her eyes and yawned before slipping back beneath her covers.  She knew why her mother was calling.  

“So about your sister’s wedding…” she said, her voice dripping with disdain.  

Cas snorted but quickly coughed to cover up the sound.  Her older sister Gabriella was getting married in a couple months and her mother, was doing her very best to accept the fact that her daughter was not marrying a man.  

“I don’t suppose you’ve found yourself a date yet, have you?” she asked pointedly.  

Cas groaned.  “No, I haven’t really been looking.  I’m a little busy with school and work.”

“And you’re telling me that in that giant city, you can’t find  _one_  decent boy to bring with you to—”

Cas frowned.  “Decent  _boy_?” she asked.  “No, mom…we’ve discussed this… _many_  times.  I don’t want a decent boy.  I’m not interested in boys…” she said, her voice trailing off.  

She could almost hear her mother’s heart cracking on the other end of the line.  “Yes, no boys…how could I forget…” she said stiffly.  “Listen…I found the most perfect gentleman—”

“Aw, come on mom, no, no more blind dates, I’m over it now, I’m done,” Cas snapped.  

“His name is Bartholomew, he works in finance.  He’s the son of a friend…at least meet him for dinner, a drink… _something_ ,” her mother pleaded.  

“No thanks, mom, seriously, I’m fine.”

“I’ll pay your rent next month,” her mother said.  

Cas sat up so quickly she almost slid off the bed.  “What did you say?”

“I said, if you go on a date with Bartholomew, I will pay your rent next month.  What is it now?” she asked.  

“Recently went up to six hundred dollars,” Cas said almost breathlessly.  

“Five hundred, then.  I’ll pay five hundred dollars of your rent, how does that sound?” her mother asked.  

Castielle almost burst out laughing.  First there was Bela, baiting her with a studio, all expenses paid, for the small price of sleeping with someone, no strings attached, and now, her mother was willing to shell out five hundred dollars to have her daughter go out on a date in some sad attempt to coerce her into being hetero.  

Still, five hundred dollars just to go on a date?  That wasn’t something she could simply pass up.  “Alright, deal.”

“Oh, Cas, this is wonderful. I’ll text you his information, so you two can arrange a date,” her mother said happily.  

“Thanks mom,” she said cheerily.  “Listen, I gotta go, gotta get ready for class,” she said.  

“Love you, Cas,” her mother said.  

“Love you too, mom,” she replied before hanging up.  

True to her word, her mother sent Bartholomew’s information over mere moments later, which led Cas to believe that she had typed up the text message  _before_  she had even called, and had been patiently waiting for Cas to agree.  She rubbed her chin absently as she tried to figure out what would be the best place to take this Bartholomew when suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks and she smiled.  

_Envy_.  She would take him to Envy.  

* * *

“You worked a shift at Envy last night?” Bennie asked dryly.  

Deanna sighed as she stuffed her final bit of laundry into the washing machine.  “Yes,” she replied tersely as she shut the door.  She unscrewed the cap on the bottle of laundry detergent and poured it into the soap compartment.  

As much as Deanna loved Bennie, sometimes, she found her to be a little too… _smotherly_.  She was the type of person who would make you soup when you were sick, who would run you a bath, who would go out in the pouring rain to buy you medicine.  

Deanna looked over at her and frowned.  

Her brown hair was piled up on her head in a messy bun as she shoved some sheets into the machine.  As she stretched, the sleeve on her shirt rose and Deanna could see the bottom of an anchor, one of Bennie’s many tattoos.  “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Bennie drawled.  

Deanna flushed and shook her head.  “So what if I worked an extra shift?”

“You know Deanna, you are one stubborn son of a bitch.  When you collapse, don’t call me to sit next to your hospital bed, okay?” Bennie snapped.  

“I’m not going to fucking collapse,” Deanna groused.  She slid her card into the slot and pressed the start button.  The machine hummed and soon enough, her clothes were spinning around, water soaking into them, washing them clean.  She watched as the soap dribbled down, tiny little suds, leaving faint streak marks on the glass.  As annoyed as she felt with Bennie, she knew what she was saying was true.  She felt tired, more than tired, she felt weary.  Her bones ached, her feet were sore from standing for so many hours and her limbs were heavy.  More than anything, she wanted to sleep.  She wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep for hours, until all the pain and soreness slowly ebbed away from her body.  But sleep wasn’t an option, rest wasn’t an option for her until she saved all the money she needed, enough to put a down payment on a space for the café.  “Bennie…you know me better than anyone.  You know that…I live for this café, for the idea of it…it’s what wakes me up in the mornings…I can’t stop until…until I have what I want,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.  

Bennie observed her for a moment and then sighed.  “I know, Dee, but…you gotta slow down and smell the roses, man.  When was the last time you did something other than work?  When was the last time you went out for a drink?  Went on a date?  Hell, got laid?” she asked.  

Deanna clenched her jaw.  She was more angry at herself than at Bennie because the girl was right.  During the past few months, she had become somewhat withdrawn, choosing to drown herself in work instead of taking time off to kick back with her girls.  She never went on dates anymore because she simply never had the time to, and as for hooking up, well, she felt as though she were on some kind of hiatus, waiting for what to pass, she didn’t know.  

“You don’t think I know that?” she asked quietly. She reached into the shopping cart and picked up her water bottle.  

“Well then why don’t you do something about it instead of working yourself to death?” Bennie asked gently.  

Deanna took a swig from her bottle and shrugged.  “Because I want that café, Bennie.  I want to…I want to own something…I want something more than just…this,” she said tiredly.  

“So do I, sugar, but…you gotta slow down,” she said.  She looked away guiltily and fidgeted with her phone in her hands.  

Deanna squinted at her suspiciously.  “Bennie.”

Bennie looked over at her and grinned sheepishly.  

“What did you do?” Deanna asked.  

“Nothing,” Bennie said quickly.  

Deanna rounded on her.  “You did something, now fess up.” 

Bennie sighed and lightly tapped her phone against her palm.  “We…meaning Ellen and I…put up a help wanted sign.  We have a couple girls coming in later for interviews,” she said.  

“You’re cutting my hours?”

“We decided that it would be a good thing.  For you.  To get some…you know…time away from the diner.  I don’t know, sleep…go the gym, fuck someone, I don’t care.  We’re hiring a new girl and there ain’t nothing you can do about it,” she said smugly.  

Deanna fumed and shook her head.  “Unbelievable,” she muttered as she walked past Bennie.  She shoved her hands into her pockets and walked straight out of the Laundromat and into the parking lot.  She walked out onto the sidewalk and began walking down the street, needing to get away from Bennie, away from that whole situation.  She chewed on her bottom lip as she mulled over her current state.  

Deanna appreciated what Benny and Ellen were trying to do but…slashing her hours? How was  _that_ supposed to help anyone?  Immediately her mind began to spin and sort the pieces of her life around.  She could always ask for extra hours at Envy.  They always needed bartenders and Deanna was one of their best. But still, depending on how much time Ellen took away from her…she would probably have more free time to spend…to spend doing  _what_?  

The longer she walked, the less angry she felt.  By the time she reached the park, she was more tired than anything and she plopped down onto a bench, taking in a deep breath and staring up into the sky.  She studied the fat clouds as they wafted across the wide expanse of blue above her.  

She let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the sun beating down on her skin. “Those clouds don’t have a care in the world,” she murmured as she folded her arms across her chest.  

As she enjoyed her quiet moment in the sun, she thought about the clouds and how lucky they were.

* * *

“No.  I don’t like it,” Gabriella said as she observed herself in the full length mirror.

Cas looked up at her older sister as she scrutinized herself in what had to be the third dress she had tried on in the past twenty minutes.  The dress was pretty enough; strapless and covered in cream lace with little pearl accents.  Cas thought it looked good on Gabby’s body, and that it accentuated all the right parts.  “It looks beautiful, Gabby,” Cas said.  

Gabby frowned and smoothed down her front, shaking her head.  “It’s not… _the one_ ,” she said dramatically.  

Cas rolled her eyes and looked down at her phone.  

**Bela** : did you find someone to bang, yet, or do you need my assistance?

Cas snorted and quickly texted Bela back.  

**Cas** : Fuck you. I’ll find someone on my own.

Bela immediately texted her back and Cas could almost hear her in her head laughing.

**Bela** : sorry love, my ass is not on the table, there will be no fucking of Bela. xoxo.

“Cas are you paying attention?  I’m gonna need you to work with me here,” Gabby snapped.  

Cas sighed loudly.  “Gabby you look amazing…okay?  That dress is beautiful,” she said, hoping that she sounded convincing.    

Gabby planted her hands on her hips and delicately stepped down from the pedestal.  “You’re no help,” she groused.    “Buttons, please,” she said straining her neck.  

Cas pulled herself up to her feet and walked over to her sister where she began undoing the buttons at the back of the dress. Now that she could see the dress up close and observe its patterns, she realized how beautiful it actually was.  She imagined herself for a moment, slipping into a gown like this, what it would feel like, how she would look.  She had a brief moment of panic which she quickly stifled down.

“Did mom text you about Bartholomew?” Gabriella asked.

Cas paused.  “How do you know about him?” she asked, surprised.  She stepped back and allowed her sister to shrug out of the dress.  

“Mother told me she was going to set you two love birds up on a date.  We went to school together, but mom and his mother are good friends.”  

Cas gritted her teeth.  “And you wouldn’t happen to have had something to do with the whole thing, did you?” she asked, exasperated, even though she already knew the answer.  

“Look, mom kept pestering.  What was I supposed to do?  Just…go out to dinner or something, the world won’t end…and…I figured you weren’t getting any pussy anyway so maybe you started playing for the other team again,” she said with a smirk.    

Cas rounded on her angrily.  “I would never do something like that to you,” she snapped.  

Gabby chuckled, her brown eyes flashing.  “You don’t have to.  I’m getting married,” she said sweetly.  

The words hit Cas in her chest and she stepped back, balling her hands into fists.  She had never put too much stock in ever getting married, in ever finding ‘the one’. Growing up, she had always felt as though she would never get married.  It hovered at the back of her mind, and so whenever she found herself dating someone, or falling into the confines of a relationship, she had always known that they would never last.   

But now, even though she had resigned herself to a solitary life, as ridiculous as  _that_  sounded, she found herself craving someone else’s company every once in a while, someone to hold on to, someone to kiss, someone to love.  

She looked up at her sister who was shrugging out of her wedding dress, her brown hair spilling forward and brushing her shoulders.  Gabriella always had it easy, it seemed. After graduating from college she had simply taken off, packed a suitcase and left with no word of where she was going or with who. Postcards would come, randomly, notes hastily scribbled on the back in her messy scrawl.  When she finally made it back home, she had applied to medical school,  _on a whim_ , and had gotten accepted.  In her very first class she met Kali, her fiancé, and now, three years later, they were getting married.  

Cas wasn’t envious of her sister.  She was in fact, rather happy for her.  She wouldn’t trade in her own life, her own experiences for anything else, but…at the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever get this…if she would ever get a wedding dress, or worry about a cake, or how she should style her hair.  It was juvenile and stupid, but…she couldn’t help it, she was only human, after all. 

“Earth to Cas, hello,” Gabby said waving a hand in front of her.  She was clad in nothing but a pair of lacy underwear and a strapless bra.  “Can you take this and hand me the other dress?” she asked.  

Cas looked at the wedding dress cradled delicately in Gabby’s arms and she swallowed thickly against the knot forming in her throat.   She stepped forward and took it.  It was heavier than she expected and she stumbled a bit as she stepped back.    

The attendant walked in, a bubbly woman with a large smile and chocolate brown hair that fell to her shoulders in loose waves.  

“How are we ladies doing in here? Oh, let me help you with that!” she said quickly as she saw Cas struggling with the dress in her arms.   She took the dress from Cas and laughed as their arms brushed.  

“It’s heavier than it looks,” Cas said with a grin.  

The woman smiled.  “They are, aren’t they!” she said enthusiastically.  She walked over to the rack and placed it on a hanger before moving on to the next dress.  “Now, Gabriella, how did you feel about that one?” she asked.  When she turned around, Gabriella was already pulling on her jeans, a bored look on her face.  

“I didn’t like it.  I’m gonna go grab some coffee and I’ll be back,” she said.

The woman frowned.  “I could get you some.  We have coffee,” she said as she placed the other dress back on the rack.  

Gabriella shook her head and slipped on her shirt.  “No.  I need like…tons of whipped cream and sugar, I’ll be back,” she said with a dismissive wave.  She put on her flats, grabbed her purse and walked towards the door.  “Want anything, Cas?” she asked on her way out.  

“No, I’m fine!” Cas said.  She turned to the woman and smiled awkwardly.  “Sorry, she can be a bit of a…”

The woman waved her away.  “It’s totally fine.  I get it, believe me.  She’s nice, take it from me.  Some of the women who come in here…you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff they do.  I’m Lisa, by the way, I don’t think we were introduced,” she said extending a hand.

Cas smiled at her and shook her hand.  “Castielle, Cas for short, it’s a nickname,” she said with a shrug.  

Lisa smiled at her.  “It’s a beautiful name, anyway, I should…pull out a couple more dresses for that sister of yours,” she said with a sigh.  

Cas’ phone rang, disturbing the padded silence of the room and she flushed as she pulled it out of her pocket.  “Excuse me,” she said to Lisa.  When she looked down at her phone she saw that it was Bela and she sighed. “What do you want?” she asked as she answered.

“Emergency, Cas, I don’t know what to do,” Bela moaned.  

“What happened?”

Bela let out a whoosh of air on the other end of the line.  “I um…okay, so…you remember that girl that I…you know the one I slept with…” she said awkwardly.

Cas frowned.  “Yeah.”

“Well I might have bumped into her again…and…we might have a date and I might be having a panic attack,” Bela said.  

Cas laughed and leaned over, clutching her chest.  “Are you  _kidding_  me?   _You_  have a  _date_?” she asked.  

“Don’t  _fucking_  laugh at me!” Bela snapped angrily.  “Come over, please, I’m home all alone and I need your guidance,” she said.  

“I can’t.  I’m shopping for a wedding dress with Gabby.”

“Oh, fuck Gabby. She’ll be fine.  I have a real problem over here.  Do you remember the last time I went on a date, date?”

“Yes, it was around the time the dinosaurs went extinct,” Cas teased.

“Come on!” Bela pleaded.

Cas sighed and rubbed her forehead.  This was the last thing she needed.  Why did everyone think she somehow knew the answers to all their problems?  She could barely keep her own shit together, yet Bela somehow thought that she would be able to help her?  

“Cas…” Bela whined.  

Cas chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head.  “Fine.  Just give me another hour or so with this monster and then I’ll come over,” she said grudgingly.

“Excellent.  Cheers darling, I’ll see you soon!” Bela said before hanging up.    

Cas groaned and slipped her phone back into her pocket.  Gabby was going to kill her.


	3. On Directing

"you're directing me. you're dressed up, I lose my grip, I lose my focus. make those eyes at me. I lose my grip, I lose my focus."

* * *

Deanna observed herself in the mirror for what must have been the twentieth time.  She was wearing a skintight pair of jeans, a gorgeous top with black lace over a nude backdrop, and her black leather jacket.  Her hair hung loose around her shoulders in soft waves.  

“You look  _amazing_ , Dee,” Charlie said from her doorway.  

Deanna jumped and placed a hand on her chest, her heart thudding painfully.  “Jesus Christ, give a girl a warning next time!” she said as she turned around.

Charlie grinned at her sheepishly.  “Sorry, I just…you look amazing.  I just thought you should know. Hot date?” she asked stepping into the room.  

Deanna ran a hand through her hair and shook her head.  “Nah, just…going to Envy,” she said with a shrug.

Charlie frowned.  “You’re gonna bartend all dressed up like that?”

Deanna’s cheeks turned red and she shook her head. “No, no, no, I’m not bartending tonight, I’ll be on the…other side of the bar,” she said with a laugh.  

Charlie’s entire face lit up as she plopped down on Deanna’s bed.  “So you  _do_  have a date!” she said excitedly.  

Deanna made a face.  “Charlie, if I had a date, Envy is the last place I would go.  I’m meeting Jo for drinks, we’ll probably do a little dancing, who knows, I might have company over later,” she said with a wink.  

Charlie laughed.  “Well it’s good to see you…doing something other than working.”

Deanna walked over to her dresser and plucked up a tube of red lipstick.  “Yeah well, my hours at the diner got slashed, and…I figured it was high time for me to have some fun,” she said as she began to apply the deep red rouge to her lips.  

“And how fitting that on your day off you decide to go to your  _other_  place of work,” Charlie said.

Deanna laughed and capped the lipstick.  “Yeah well, where else am I going to meet a beautiful lesbian in Brooklyn who wants to take me home?” she said.

She turned around and spread her arms. “So, what do you think?  Red lipstick? Is it too much?” she asked.

Charlie shook her head.  “No, it looks great!” she said.  She got up and walked over to the door.

“Hey,” Deanna said.

Charlie turned around and stared at her.  “Yeah?”

Deanna walked over to Charlie and pulled her into an embrace.  “I know how much you miss Gilda…but she’ll be back before you know it,” she whispered into Charlie’s hair.

Charlie chuckled but leaned into Deanna’s embrace.  “I know.”

When they broke apart, they stared at each other for a few beats.  Charlie reached up and brushed her fingers through Deanna’s hair.  “Go get em’ tiger,” she said with a grin.  

Deanna straightened up and smiled.  When Charlie left, she sat on her bed and picked up her phone.  She was meeting Jo at 10, which meant she should leave her place around 9:45 to hop on the train.  She wasn’t sure what got into her, but after her little walk earlier and her talk with Bennie at the laundry, she had decided that she would use the free Friday night to her advantage, for once.  She called Tamara and told her that she wouldn’t be taking tonight’s shift, and then she had called Jo, asking if she wanted to meet her for drinks.  Jo, of course, was always down to hang, and so she had immediately said yes, giving Deanna no time to even think about changing her mind.  

Now that she was all dressed and ready to go, she found herself feeling tired and lazy.  She looked over at her pillows and wished that she could just lie down and close her eyes, maybe sleep for a little while instead of heading out into the night to go partying.  She smiled when she thought of Jo, and how she would completely flip her shit if she canceled on her at the last minute.  With a weary sigh, she got up off the bed and walked over to her closet to search for a good pair of shoes.    

* * *

“Oh my God, Cas, are you  _really_  going out in  _that_?” Bela asked.  

Cas looked down at her jeans and frowned.  “Yes?” she said uncertainly.  

Bela rolled her eyes and walked over to Cas’ closet.  “I won’t allow it.  Absolutely not.  You said you have a date, right?” she said.  

Cas bristled.  Bela wasn’t wrong.  She indeed did have a date, just with someone of the wrong gender.   Cas had finally called Bartholomew, at her mother’s behest, and was having a drink with him tonight, and possibly dinner if things went well.    

“Yeah, I have a date, but it’s not really a date.  My mother wants me to…she set me with up with a guy,” Cas said lamely.

Bela stopped rifling through Cas’ clothes and slowly turned around.  She was already dressed for her date tonight, a tight red dress that stopped right above her knees.  It clung to her frame like a second skin, a black belt cinched tight at the waist.  Her heels were black, and several inches high, yet she stood and walked in them gracefully, as though she had been born to wear them.  “You’re going on a date with a man?” she asked.

Cas fiddled with her camera and nodded, choosing to avoid Bela’s piercing gaze.  

“I don’t understand,” Bela said.  “Why are you taking him to Envy? That’s the  _gayest_  place on earth…” she said.  “Also, why are you going on a date with a man?  I thought you…” her voice trailed off.

Cas rolled her eyes.  “The only reason why I’m going on this date is so my mother can pay my rent next month,” she said.  

“Jesus, are things that bad?” Bela asked.  

“What? No.  I just…if she’s gonna pay me to go on a date then why not…” she said with a shrug.  

Bela grinned and turned back to Cas’ closet.  “Well aren’t you just the little entrepreneur, alright, well I’m guessing that tonight after you ditch your man friend, you’ll be searching for your one night stand?” Bela asked.  

Cas swallowed thickly and snapped a photo of Bela as she dug through the closet.  “I suppose,” she said quietly.  

Bela hummed thoughtfully as she pulled out several items from Cas’ closet.  “Well then, you’re not going to attract any pussy with that outfit so let’s try these,” she said with a smile.  She tossed down a couple raunchier items onto Cas’ bed, things that she had purchased over the years under the guidance of Bela or Gabby.  

Cas frowned at the clothes.  She picked up a top, a black, shimmery thing that looked itchy, along with a very short, very tight dress, and a couple other things, all of which made her cringe.  “Bela I can’t wear any of this stuff,” she said.  

Bela laughed and walked over to the bed, her heels clicking delicately on the wooden floor.  She picked up the sparkly black top and handed it to Cas.  “Of course you can, silly. Now, chop, chop.  I haven’t got all night.  I’ve got a date, you know,” she said with a smirk.  

Cas sighed as she looked up at Bela.  This was one battle she knew she was going to lose.  

* * *

Deanna sat at the bar nursing a rum and coke, glancing at her phone.  Jo was late, of course, and so Deanna, instead of heading out to the dance floor, had chosen to drink instead.  

“You know if I knew that this is what you were going to do on your day off, I wouldn’t have given it to you in the first place,” Tamara teased from behind the bar.

Deanna looked up at her and grinned.  Tamara was gorgeous, with chocolate brown skin and a short pixie haircut that framed her heart shaped face.  She was British, and spoke with a light, clipped accent that helped her to get extra tips and lots of numbers at the bar.  She didn’t mind the attention one bit.  

“Jo is late,” Deanna grumbled as she took a sip of her drink.  

Tamara frowned as she poured out three shots of tequila for some girls at the end of the bar.  “And you expect anything less of that girl?”

Deanna snorted.  “Well, when you’re right, you’re right,” she said.  

“Why don’t you go out there and shake that cute little ass of yours instead of blocking my customers?” Tamara teased.  

Deanna feigned shock. “Why Tamara, I didn’t know you thought my ass was cute,” she said.  

Tamara picked up her shot glasses and rolled her eyes.  “Didn’t you? Why’d you think I hired you in the first place?” she asked with a wink before walking away.   

Deanna pressed the edge of the glass to her lips and quickly swallowed down the rest of her drink.  The rum burned her throat and the coke left a cloying sweetness on her tongue.  The music thumped loudly and she could feel it in her skin, each loud sound that jumped out of the speakers made her tap her feet anxiously.  She wanted to dance, but first, she needed more alcohol.  She signaled to the other bartender, a pretty girl with dark hair named Sarah.  

“Another rum and coke?” she asked with a smile.

Deanna shook her head.  “Nope, shots,” she said with a wide grin.  

Jo was late, but that didn’t mean Deanna couldn’t get the party started.  She smiled happily as Sarah turned around to grab a bottle of tequila.  

* * *

Cas fidgeted awkwardly in her seat, pulling down her dress for the umpteenth time.  Bela had made her try on several different outfits, and Cas had found the whole process quite exhausting.  Anything Cas liked, even in the slightest, Bela turned her nose up at it and made her strip and slip into something else.  

The dress had been the last thing, tight, black and short.  They showed off her long legs, strong, from her time spent running track back in high school and her shapely figure.  Bela had compromised and allowed her to wear a relatively low pair of heels that had made her breathe a sigh of relief.  Her hair hung to her shoulders, soft and wavy.  Bela had also seen to her makeup, adding blush and eye shadow along with a surprisingly delicate shade of pink for her lips.  

Now, she sat across from Bartholomew at one of the tables tucked into a corner at Envy.  She glanced over at the dance floor where it was still relatively calm with only a handful of people dancing.  She knew that in an hour or so, it would be packed, and the music would be loud, and hopefully, by then she would be  _extremely_  drunk.  Bartholomew seemed nice enough.  He had sandy hair and large blue eyes and he seemed quite nervous to be in Cas’ company.  She had caught him twice staring at her breasts and when she did, he quickly averted his gaze.  

“So, interesting choice of…location for drinks,” he said as he took a sip of his gin and tonic.  

She shrugged and took a sip of her own drink, vodka with cranberry juice.  “Yeah, I love it here,” she said with a dry smile.

He leaned forward, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously.  “Do you come here often?” he asked.

She leaned forward and grinned.  “Well, not  _very_  often, but, you know, I’ve been here quite a few times,” she said with a wink.   

A younger man walked past their table and Cas watched with an amused expression as Bartholomew followed him with his eyes.  “It’s a lesbian bar,” she said over the music.  

Bartholomew licked his lips and nodded.  His eyes glanced once more in the direction the young man had gone and Cas frowned.  Even though Envy was a lesbian bar, over time, Cas had noticed the steady stream of gay men who seemed to think it was okay for them to come in to their space.  It wasn’t that Cas felt that they should be separated, she just found it funny that even at Envy, a place that had been made for women, men somehow found a way in.  She observed Bartholomew as his eyes wandered from person to person, and she took note of how his gaze kept flitting back to the young man with the large eyes and the kind face.  

“His name is Aaron,” Cas said gently.

Bartholomew quickly looked at her and made a face.  “What?”

“The guy you’re staring at, his name is Aaron.”

Bartholomew’s face turned red and he picked up his glass, taking a long sip, making a face as he did so.  

“Do you even  _like_  gin and tonic?”

Bartholomew’s face broke out into a wide grin and he shook his head.  “I hate it, actually, I just thought…it…seemed manly,” he said with a shrug.  

Cas looked down at her own glass and laughed.  “And I thought getting a vodka cranberry was being dainty, wanna switch?”

“Please.”

They switched glasses and stared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing.  

“I’m really sorry about this,” he said.  

“What for?” Cas asked.  She took a sip of the gin and tonic, appreciating the bitterness of it on her tongue before swallowing it down.  It settled in the pit of her stomach angrily.    

Bartholomew took a drink from his glass and set it down on the table.  He rubbed his index finger along the wood, a small smile on his face.  

“Does your mother know?” Cas asked.  

He shook his head.  “Nope.  She suspects, though, which is why she keeps trying to set me up on dates with nice girls like yourself,” he said with a shrug.  

Cas laughs dryly.  “Well they sure did do a bang up job on this one…I’m sorry I brought you here, I just…thought it would be funny,” she said.  

He waved her away and shrugged.  “How do you know him?” he asked gesturing towards Aaron.  

Cas turned to look at him and when he caught her eye he gave her a little wave.  She waved back and smiled.  “We go to the same school, he’s getting an MFA in art, and I’m doing photography,” she said.

Bartholomew’s brows rose in surprise.  “You’re a photographer?”

Cas snorted.  “Didn’t your mother give you the 411 on me before she set you up on a date?”

“I don’t think I was paying too much attention,” he said with a laugh.  “What are you planning on doing with that degree?” he asked with a little smirk.  

“I don’t know…teach, maybe.  I just enjoy it, you know?  Being behind the lens, seeing things in a different way…capturing things that people might not notice…” she shrugged.  

Bartholomew chuckled.  “Is that how you knew?” he asked quietly.  

Cas took a measured sip of her drink and sighed.  She had spent so much time observing people behind a lens, observing the smallest of movements, the bat of an eyelash, the turn of the head in a certain direction, maybe there was something off about the way they chose to sit or position themselves.  She enjoyed it, cataloguing little moments, little things that most people never noticed.  Sometimes, she forgot that she wasn’t looking at the world hidden behind a camera. “I don’t want to say it was obvious, but…it was obvious,” she said with a small smile.  

Bartholomew nodded and fiddled with a napkin.  “I think about telling her all the time…just…I don’t know how to,” he said.  

Cas felt an ache grow in her chest.  She knew where Bartholomew was, she had been there in his shoes not so long ago.  When she made the decision to come out to her mother, it had been one of the scariest moments in her life.  She could still remember it, pulling up to their family home upstate, the crunch of the gravel in the driveway beneath her boots.  She remembered her heart pounding in her chest so hard, she thought it would burst out, break free and die out in the cold air.  

“Sometimes you just have to do it, I mean, rip the proverbial band-aid off.  If you think about it too much, you’ll…drown,” she said.  

The music in the speakers above them suddenly increased in it’s volume and Cas glanced over to the dance floor.  It was already starting to get filled up, the main lights practically gone and replaced by a cool blue light from little bulbs that ran along the sides and the ceiling.  She squinted at the girls on the dance floor.  She spotted someone that looked very much like Bela but she frowned.   _No_ , Bela was supposed to be on a date.  

“Are you going to talk to him?” Cas asked.  

Bartholomew looked over at Aaron again and shrugged.  “I think so.  I need something else in my system before I do, though,” he said getting up.

Cas looked up at him and frowned.  “What?” she asked.

“Shots,” he said with a grin.

Cas watched him, a little surprised, as he walked over to the bar to order a round of shots.  He stood next to a pair of girls who were chatting animatedly about something.  The one next to Bartholomew had her back turned toward Cas, but the other one she could see.  She was pretty enough, with long blond hair.  She wore a short black dress that looked a little more comfortable than Cas’, but only a little.  

Cas drummed her fingers on the table, waiting for Bartholomew and the shots.  She looked over at the dance floor again, a feeling of dread pooling in her stomach when she thought about what she was about to do.  When she saw Bartholomew returning with a small platter with six shots, she let out a breath of air.  

 _Three shots each_ , she thought happily.  She would need them all.  

* * *

Jo had somehow convinced Deanna that drinking on the dance floor was better than drinking at the bar. She held on tightly to her glass as Jo led her deep into the heart of the crowd.

Different smells snaked past her nose, perfume, sweat, hairspray, and a variety of other things that she couldn’t place.  It was strange, being out here in the fray as opposed to observing it all from behind the bar.  

In front of her, Jo smiled and took a sip of her own drink, swaying her hips to the beat of the song pumping through the speakers.  

Deanna caught several people’s eye as they stared at her while she moved. She didn’t shy away from the attention, she was used to it after all, but none of them interested her. They all looked generic, sparkly dresses, too many sequins, she didn’t blame them, it was a club environment after all so she didn’t expect any less, even with lesbians.  

As she danced, she finished the rest of her drink, feeling the alcohol filter through her system.  She had a nice buzz going, and all she needed now was a pretty girl to dance with.  She looked around, and frowned.  There  _were_  pretty girls here but none of them caught her eye.  Maybe she was expecting too much, she thought.  Maybe she should just start dancing with someone and see where the night took her.  She looked at her empty glass and sighed.  She needed more alcohol.    

“I’m gonna get another drink!” Deanna shouted to Jo.

Jo, who was already dancing with a pretty girl with shoulder length brown hair and a pretty smile nodded and waved her away.  

Deanna felt a strange pang in her chest.  She had come here tonight with the intention of meeting someone, of having someone take her to their home and fuck the ever loving shit out of her.  Maybe she was being too picky.  She glanced back at the crowd for a brief second, at all of the people were still dancing, paying her no mind.  She could even see Jo in the middle of it all, dancing, a huge smile on her face.  

Perhaps, if she had been paying more attention to where she had been going, she wouldn’t have collided with the girl walking towards her, but as fate would have it, she did.  

The girl, who had been holding onto a glass let out a loud gasp as whatever had been inside of it was now all over her dress and dripping down onto the floor.  

“Oh  _shit_ , I’m so sorry,” Deanna gushed.  She looked down at the girl’s dress and then up at her face and she sucked in a breath.  The girl was  _gorgeous._ Her eyes were large and blue, the bluest blue Deanna had ever seen, and her  _mouth_ , God, her mouth was beautiful, soft pink lips, lush and ripe for kissing.  Even though they were set in a frown, Deanna couldn’t help but smile at her.  

To her surprise, the girl smiled back.  

“I’m such a fucking klutz,” the girl mumbled.

“No, it wasn’t you, it was me.  Oh God, let me take you to the bathroom so you can get it cleaned up,” she said.  

The girl glanced over at the long line of women waiting for the ladies room and she made a face.  “I think I’ll pass…maybe I can get some…water from the bartender,” she said.

Deanna shook her head.  “I can take you to the nice bathroom in the private lounge.  I work here, sometimes,” she stuttered out, amused by her own inability to form proper sentences.  

The girl cocked an eyebrow.  “Sometimes?”

“Part time, I mean like, when I need…I’m making no sense. Come on.  It’s empty tonight, we can get you cleaned up in a jiffy,” she said with a smile.  

The girl squinted at her and tilted her head and then shrugged.  “Okay,” she said.  

Deanna flushed and turned around, heading in the direction of the private lounge, trusting the girl to follow her.  Sure enough, she heard the telltale sound of heels clicking behind her as the music died down for a few seconds transitioning into the next song.  In her chest her heart was racing and her palms were strangely sweaty.  She dried them on her jeans and shook her head.   _Get a grip, Winchester.  Is this the first time you’ve seen a pretty girl?_   They cut through a small cluster of friends to get to the back lounge where it was blocked by a velvet rope.  Deanna unhooked it and stepped to the side.  “After you, ma’am,” she said with a cheesy grin.

The girl chuckled and shook her head before walking into the dark room.  

* * *

Cas stepped into the room and darkness enveloped her.  She blinked warily, adjusting her eyes.  It didn’t bother her the way it should have, the only reason being was that she was used to it.  

She could still remember the first time she had stepped into one of those tiny closets in the dark room that was used for safely removing a roll of film from a container and attaching it to a spool so it could be developed.  She remembered the panic clawing at her chest as darkness swallowed her, how her fingers had fumbled so many times before she had figured out what to do.  Now, all these years later, the darkness greeted her like an old friend.  She could hear the girl behind her searching for a light switch. She took a deep breath and suddenly, there was light.

She had never been to the back lounge before and now that she was finally seeing it, she found it a bit…underwhelming.  The seats were faux leather and there was a table between them.  In the corner, however, there was a little raised platform, and a shiny stripper pole placed right in the middle of it.  

“I think that’s why most of the girls come in here, well that and the private bathrooms,” the girl said.  

Cas turned around to observe her in the light and she found that she couldn’t say much.   The girl was  _beautiful._ Her perfect pout was covered in a coat of deep, red lipstick, and her face was dotted with freckles, all over.  Her eyes were green, so green, Cas had to squint to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. 

“I’m Deanna, by the way,” the girl said with a smile.  

Cas blinked and then nodded.  “Castielle,” she replied.  

They stared at each other for a moment and then Deanna grinned.  “Well let’s get that cleaned up, shall we,” she said.  

“Yeah, yeah,” Cas replied.  She fell back and allowed Deanna to lead the way to the bathroom, thinking perhaps maybe she had finally found her one night stand.

* * *

“So you work here?” Cas asked, unable to help herself.  She had told herself that when she found someone that could be her potential ONS as she had started calling it, she wouldn’t ask them any questions.  The less she knew about the person, the better it would be.  This seemed to make some kind of sense to her, in her semi-drunken state.      

Deanna was wetting a rag in the sink under a stream of warm water.  She turned the tap off and wrung it out before turning back to Cas who was sitting comfortably on the tiled surface next to the sink.  Gingerly, she reached forward to dab at the wetness on Cas’ dress.  “Yep,” she said.  

“You know what’s funny?” Cas asked with a little giggle.

Deanna looked up at her.  “What?”

“I fucking  _hate_  this dress,” she said with a laugh and a hiccup.  

Deanna snorted and looked up at her.  “Well, it looks good on you,” she said with a goofy grin.  

Cas plucked at the sides and wiggled.  She hadn’t done this in so long, hadn’t flirted or anything she found that she wasn’t even sure what to do next.   _It looks good on you_ , that was flirting, right? She pressed her lips together in a thin line and frowned.  

Deanna continued to dab at the wet spot, pressing the cloth against her belly.  

“So what do you do here?” Cas asked.  

“I bartend sometimes.  Whenever I need the extra cash,” she said with a shrug.  She moved back over to the sink, somewhat stiffly, and Cas wondered if perhaps she was upset that she hadn’t flirted back.  

“I’m sorry, I’m really bad at this stuff,” Cas blurted out.  

Deanna cocked an eyebrow as she wrung out the excess water from the washcloth.  “At what?” she asked.

Cas chewed her bottom lip.  “At…flirting stuff,” she said.

Deanna chuckled and pressed the cloth against Cas’ dress once more.  “Is that what you think this is?” she asked, looking into Cas’ eyes.  

Cas looked up and swallowed thickly.  “It’s not?”

“Do you want it to be?” Deanna asked.  

The air in the room was suddenly thick with something that Castielle couldn’t place.  She could hear the blood rushing in her ears and she licked her lips expectantly, staring at Deanna’s. She wondered what would happen if she were to simply lean forward and kiss this girl.  She barely knew her, but…wasn’t that the point? For her to take a risk? To do something stupid? Deanna was looking at her, a wry smile on her face. Her hand was lightly resting on Cas’ thigh, her palm warm against her skin.  Slowly, Cas leaned forward and lightly pressed her lips against Deanna’s.  She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, a thunderstorm, and she let out a soft moan when Deanna kissed her back, hungrily.  

Hands planted themselves on her hips and she reached forward, grabbing onto Deanna’s shirt and pulling her closer.  It felt so good to have someone else’s mouth attached to her own, to feel the warmth and closeness of someone else’s body.  Deanna’s mouth was soft against her lips and she smiled, her eyes closed.  

“What…what do you do?” Deanna asked against her mouth.

Castielle groaned and tightened her grip on Deanna’s shirt.  She didn’t want to talk.  She didn’t want to answer questions.  She just wanted this, their mouths fluttering against each other, tongues dancing, wet heat.  “School, photography,” she mumbled as Deanna pressed a kiss against the side of her mouth.

“Oh, that’s funny,” Deanna said as she made her way over to Cas’ earlobe.  

“Why is that?” Cas gasped out as she threaded her fingers in Deanna’s hair, arching back as Deanna kissed her neck.  

“I was…” she paused to kiss Cas again.  “I was supposed to do this thing, a photography thing today,” she said.

Cas frowned.  “What kind of thing?” she asked.  She felt Deanna’s hand on her thigh and she bit her bottom lip.  

“Like a photo shoot, but the girl cancelled on me,” Deanna said.  

Cas huffed out a laugh and then she froze.  There was something about this girl that was so familiar, or maybe it was just the fact that her tongue was halfway down her throat that made it seem that way.  She began to wrack her brain, trying to remember the girl’s name that she had called the other day to cancel on…was it Bea? No…it was something… _Dee_.  

Deanna.

Fuck.

She pulled back and stared into Deanna’s eyes.  “Dee?” she said softly.

Deanna squinted at her, recognition dawning on her face.  “CC?”

Castielle gasped.  “No…really?  You’re Dee?”

Deanna’s mouth hung open and she stepped back.  “What the hell?”   

Castielle covered her mouth and giggled.  So this was the girl.  This was the girl who would have showed up at her apartment today for the photo shoot.  She couldn’t really wrap her mind around and she slid off the countertop taking a couple steps forward toward Deanna.  

“Stranger things have happened,” Deanna said before leaning down for another kiss.  She gingerly reached for Cas’ waist, holding onto her hips and pulling her in closer.  

Castielle had kicked off her shoes and was now standing on her tiptoes, smiling against Deanna’s mouth.  She didn’t even care that she was in a bathroom, the cold tiles sending a chill up her spine.  

“Why’d you cancel on me?” Deanna huffed out as she pulled back.  

Castielle blushed and rubbed the back of her neck.  “I found someone who would do it for free, I’m sorry,” she said.  

“Apology not accepted,” Deanna growled as she leaned forward to press a kiss against Cas’ neck.

Cas squirmed and laughed.  “Will you ever forgive me?” she asked as she nuzzled Deanna’s nose with her own.  

“Depends,” Deanna breathed out.

“Oh what?” Cas shot back.

“On if you wanna get out of here or not…” Deanna said, her voice a low growl.

Castielle felt something drop in the pit of her stomach.  This was it, this was what she had come here for and it had practically walked up to her and dragged her into a bathroom.  She chewed on her bottom lip, wondering if perhaps they should just stay here…but no…Bella had said one fuck and then no contact…she didn’t say  _where_  Cas had to sleep with the person…and as clean as the bathroom looked, she knew that she would much rather be at home in her bed with this beautiful, green-eyed girl.  Castielle looked up at her and smiled.  “I live fifteen minutes away.”

* * *

If Cas thought Deanna was beautiful under the shitty fluorescent lighting at Envy’s bathroom, she was not prepared for how utterly breathtaking she would look in the soft lighting in her room.  

Deanna was lying on her back, propped up on Cas’ pillows, her hair fanning out around her.  

Cas had straddled her hips and was leaning over to press soft kisses against Deanna’s stomach.  She was pleased to see that the girl had a soft belly, and she trailed her way past her belly button, up to the base of her bra.  It was red and lacy and Cas loved it.  Even though it had been such a long time for her, everything with Deanna felt oddly natural.  Their hands fit together perfectly, their fingers curling and threading together as Cas pressed kisses on Deanna’s breasts as they spilled out of her bra.  

Deanna giggled and shifted on the bed.  She could feel the alcohol flowing through her system, making everything a little warmer and hazier.  She wanted to get her bra off, she knew that much, and she struggled to sit up, propping herself up on her elbows.  “Take this stupid thing off,” she said to Cas, squinting.

Cas grinned and nodded.  She reached her hands behind Deanna’s back and began to unhook the little clasps, giggling when she realized that their breasts were now pressed together.  Gently, Cas pushed Deanna back down and tossed the bra haphazardly to the side.  It had been so long since she had done this, since she had been so free with someone.  She trailed her hands along Deanna’s soft, freckled skin, running her fingers along her stomach, flicking her thumbs across the little hardened nubs of her nipples. 

Below her, Deanna moaned and her eyes fluttered shut. 

Cas paid special attention to this as she continued her exploration of Deanna’s body.   It was easy to figure out what Deanna liked, and she continued to gasp and moan as Cas squeezed down on pliant flesh, as she sucked hickeys into her skin and lightly nipped at her with her teeth.  She worshipped Deanna’s body, accepted it like an offering.  She kissed from her eyelids, down to her thighs, sucking dark marks between them, slowly sliding her legs open to delve into her sweet heat.  She eased in gently, first with fingers, probing, searching, and then, with her mouth and her tongue, flicking it across Deanna’s clit and fucking her with her fingers, until she felt the girl’s body tighten, muscles drawn in as her body reached the plateau. 

Deanna came with a loud moan, her fingers bunching in Cas’ sheets. 

Cas watched as a soft, slow smile spread itself across Deanna’s face.  Cas grinned and crawled up toward her and kissed her, letting Deanna taste herself on her tongue.  “You taste good,” Cas whispered.

Deanna blushed and giggled.  She opened her eyes and stared at Cas.  She reached up to brush a stray hair out of her face and tucked it behind Cas’ ear.  “I can’t wait to taste you.”

Cas grinned and dipped down for another kiss.  

* * *

Castielle burrowed closer to Deanna and sighed happily.  The both of them were tuckered out and sleepy. For the first time in a long time, there was someone else in Cas’ bed, someone soft and warm, someone to play with her hair and trace weird shapes into her skin as they drifted off to sleep.  She wondered if this would void her deal with Bela… _cuddling_. She closed her eyes and smirked.  What Bela didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.    

“You know this is the first time….in months…that I’ve…been with someone,” Deanna said softly.  

Cas cracked open an eye and frowned.  “What? But you’re…” her voice trailed off.  

“I’m what?”

“You’re…hot,” Cas finished lamely.  

Deanna snorted.  “And you’re not?” she asked.

Castielle fell silent.  She had never really considered herself as ‘hot’.  Bela had often told her that she was gorgeous though sometimes, she had a hard time seeing it.  She preferred to be behind the lens, not in front of it.

Deanna rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow.  She stared down at Cas, her face hidden in soft shadows.  “Cas you’re gorgeous…I mean…I know we don’t really know each other, but…seriously…you’re beautiful,” she said. She reached out to brush her finger against Cas’ cheekbone.

Cas blushed and lowered her gaze.  Why was she acting like a blushing bride?  What happened to her dry humor, her witty come backs?  Where had they all retreated to?  She could feel the marks on her neck where Deanna had bitten her, throbbing lightly and she shuddered.  She found herself wondering if Deanna was going to stay the night, or if she would slip back into her tight jeans the moment Cas fell asleep and hop in a cab back to her side of town.  

This wasn’t part of the plan, she realized in dismay.  She wasn’t supposed to get those strange, fluttery feelings brushing against her stomach.  She wasn’t supposed to wonder if they would wake up tomorrow morning and have another round of sex before heading out for brunch.  Her brain was over reacting, as it usually did.  More than anything, she wanted to invite Deanna up to the roof and talk to her all night about the most random shit she could think of.  She wanted to know everything about her, she wanted to absorb everything Deanna had to give her because she knew that good things like this never lasted long.  

“You okay?” Deanna asked.  

Cas chewed on her bottom lip and then looked up at Deanna.  “Do you wanna go up to the roof?” she asked.

Deanna grinned and nodded.  

* * *

The roof was beautiful at night, and Cas often came up to take photos or to simply breathe and reconnect with herself.  There were a couple chairs that they kept propped up against the door that they dragged out whenever they wanted to sit.  

Now, she and Deanna were sitting in their own chairs, each of them wearing old sweats, with blankets tossed around their shoulders.  It was quiet, but they could still hear the hum of life from down below.  Cars driving by, sirens wailing in the distance, people’s voices carrying over from other buildings.  

Deanna had her hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate.

Cas had opted for green tea.  

“So, how come I’ve never seen you at Envy before?” Deanna asked.  

“I hardly ever go there…” Cas replied sheepishly.  

“What made tonight different?” Deanna asked, looking over at her.  

Cas chuckled.  What was she supposed to say?  That her friend dared her that she couldn’t have a one night stand?

That her friend had been right about Cas being unable to simply fuck someone and let things go?  That she had to cuddle? And make hot chocolate with whipped cream? And wonder how said hot chocolate and whipped cream would taste on the girl’s lips?

“Cas?”

Castielle blinked and smiled.  “I just…I dunno, needed something different tonight I guess,” she said.  “How come you weren’t bartending?” Cas asked.

Deanna smiled.  “I got yelled at by a friend…working too hard,” she said with a little laugh.  “I work at a diner…and I work at the bar…I’m trying to save up money to…” she stopped and shook her head.  “Why am I even telling you this.  You probably don’t want to hear this.”

Cas frowned.  “No, tell me, I like hearing other people’s stories,” she said with a smile.  She could tell that Deanna wasn’t used to unloading like this.  She saw the way she sat up, even though they were relaxing, her body was still stiff and she looked as though she were holding her breath.  Cas put her mug down on the ground and reached over to gently place her palm on Deanna’s thigh in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. 

Deanna looked over at her and smiled.  “It’s a boring story,” Deanna said softly.  

“No such thing,” Cas said warmly.  

Deanna took a sip of her drink and stared down into the cup.  “I wanna open my own place…right now in my head it’s a mix between a café and a bakery…I can’t decide,” she said with a little laugh.  

“That’s awesome, Deanna!” Cas said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.  She pulled her hand back and clasped them together, folding them in her lap.  

“Is it, though?  I’ve seen so many businesses open and…just…completely fail…what if I fail?  What if I do all of this and…it doesn’t even work?” she asked.  

“You’ve got to take a chance, Deanna.  Especially when it’s with something you love.  You could just as easily fail at something you don’t care about,” Cas said softly.  

Deanna made a face but nodded.  “You’re right…” her voice trailed off.  “What about you? Miss photographer,” Deanna teased.  

Cas chuckled.  “Well…yeah, right now I’m just…I don’t know…I love it, and I love doing it, I just don’t know what I’m going to do when I graduate,” she said with a shrug.  

“Maybe…your own photo studio?” Deanna asked.

Cas snorted.  “I don’t think those things are as popular now as they used to be. It’s so easy to run into a drugstore, pop a memory card into a machine and print out your own photos…” she said with a shrug.  

“Yeah but people could also bake their own stuff…” Deanna said with a knowing glance.

Cas laughed.  “Yeah but people are also terrible at baking and cooking things, like me,” she said.    

“I’m sure you’re not bad,” Deanna said with a warm smile.  

Cas huffed.  “Oh it’s bad alright.”  

Deanna laughed and Cas’ chest tightened up.  She didn’t know what it was about this girl that made her feel like sitting up here and talking to her all night.  She let out a soft groan.  This was definitely not part of the plan.  

Deanna took a deep breath and continued to study the twinkling skyline.  It was beautiful up here, truly beautiful, but so was the girl sitting next to her.  She found herself thinking of Cas’ soft skin, those delicate curves that her hands had spent so much time holding on to.  She wondered why she hadn’t seen her at the bar before and she regretfully took a sip of her drink. She chanced a quick glance over at the girl.  She looked a little morose as she studied her hands and suddenly Deanna wondered if she even wanted her around anymore.  

“I should head out,” Deanna said quietly, testing the waters.

Cas whipped her head around and stared at her.  In her chest, her heart was pounding.  “What?”

“I should…go,” Deanna said again.  

Cas licked her lips and swallowed thickly.  She didn’t  _want_  Deanna to go, but if Deanna wanted to go….then what could she possibly do to stop her?  And what about the studio? She knew she would be able to complete her portfolio without it but…getting to use it would have also been pretty sweet.  Was she willing to give it up for someone she had just met? She chewed on her lip and looked over at Deanna as she drained her mug.  When she was done, Cas giggled when she realized that there was a little bit of whipped cream at the corner of Deanna’s mouth. 

Deanna turned to look at her, a frown on her face.  “What?”

Cas leaned forward and reached out to wipe away the whipped cream with her thumb and then she pulled back.  Instead, she got up and walked over to Deanna, removing the cup from her hands, putting it on the floor and then pulling her up to her feet.  

“Cas, what are you doing?” Deanna asked with a small smile.  

“You have a little…thing there,” Cas said making a motion with her fingers.  

“Oh do I?”

“Yes, you do.”

“Are you gonna get it for me?”

Cas leaned in and smiled.  “Yes.” She pressed her lips against Deanna’s and slowly kissed her.  Unlike at the bar, it wasn’t fueled by alcohol, or by sex, like down in her bedroom.  This was pure, indulgence.  This was her wanting to kiss Deanna, just because she could.  She felt Deanna’s hands on her waist and she smiled against the girl’s mouth.  “Stay,” she breathed. Her eyes were closed and so she didn’t see when Deanna’s popped open.  

“What?” Deanna asked.  

Cas broke off the kiss and pulled back.  She brushed a stray hair out of Deanna’s face and tucked it behind her ear.  “Stay,” she repeated again, this time more firmly.

Deanna studied her for a minute and then she nodded.  “Okay,” she replied.

Cas smiled.  Bela be damned.  She could take photos wherever.  The studio could wait.  


	4. Drove Me Wild

"when I picture you, I think of your smile, and it drives me wild."

* * *

Up till now, Cas hadn’t thought it was possible for time to fly this quickly.  It had been several weeks since her night with Deanna which had turned into two days of the two of them shirking their responsibilities and doing nothing but each other.  She felt stupid, she felt giddy, she wasn’t sure what it all meant but she was holding on to it, clutching it to her chest with both hands unwilling to let go.  She had been busy, catching up on school work as well as picking up a couple extra shifts at the store for money to spend on dates, a thing she and Deanna had been doing now.  

Even though it had been a few weeks since her hookup, she hadn’t seen or spoken to Bela, on account of her being away in Europe for two weeks.  She  _was_  returning today, and Cas knew she would have to break the news to her eventually.  She would have to tell her that she had failed at the one night stand, but that she had discovered something a million times better than a photo studio.     

She had discovered Deanna Winchester.  

Messy, talented, gorgeous, insufferable, Deanna Winchester.  

Castielle was on her way over to Bela’s when her phone buzzed in her pocket.  It was Deanna.  She smiled and answered the phone.  “Hey you.”

“Hey Cas,” Deanna said.  “Krissy, no,  _no_ , will you  _please_  just take the order to the table,  _thank you_ ,” Deanna snapped.  

Cas snorted softly and continued to walk up the tree lined block to Bela’s place.  “Trouble at the diner?”

“Sounds like a Nancy Drew mystery, and yeah, you know, the normal…Krissy just being lazy as fuck,” Deanna groused.  “What are  _you_  up to?” she asked.

“On my way to see Bela for a bit.  She’s back from her trip today,” Cas said.  

“Oh, right.  Rich girl?” Deanna asked.

Cas chuckled.  “Yes, the rich girl.”

“How are you two even friends?” Deanna asked.

Cas chewed on her bottom lip and squinted.  She had never really told Deanna that her family was well off.  That she could live a life of luxury the same way that Bela did, but that she simply chose not too.  She and Bela had been neighbors for years, before becoming close friends after they both had left their homes and moved to the city.  And while Bela had chosen to move and use her daddy’s money, Cas had only borrowed barely enough to help her get on her feet.  The rest of it, she had earned on her own.  Her parents never understood it, but she had to do it.  She had to be independent.  To her, leaning on her parents as a crutch just wasn’t the way she wanted to live the rest of her life.    

“We…we’ve known each other for a long time.  She’s not as bad as she sounds,” Cas said with a smile.

Deanna laughed on the other end of the line.  “Whatever you say.  Well, I should get back to it.  I just…wanted to hear your voice or whatever,” Deanna mumbled.

Cas hummed.  “Oh did you now.”

“Are we still on for tonight?” Deanna asked, pointedly ignoring her.

Cas smiled.  “Yes, of course.  Will you meet me at the boutique?”

“Won’t your sister be there?” Deanna asked.

“Yeah, I mean…unless you feel weird, it’s okay,” Cas said quickly.

“No, no, it’s cool. I’ll meet you, just…text me the address,” Deanna replied.

“Will do.  Alright, well, I’m here, so.  I’ll see you later.”

“Krissy, you mixed up the orders, oh my God, bye babe,” Deanna said curtly before hanging up the phone.

Cas laughed and shook her head.  She slipped her phone into her pocket and nearly jumped a mile when someone poked her in the back.  

“So tell me why you look damned happy,” Bela groused.  Her arms were now crossed over her chest and she was pouting.  

Cas grinned and reached in to hug her.  “Bela!”

Bela grumbled something below her breath and swatted her away, even though there was a big smile on her own face.  “Oh come on you, let’s get inside, my food will get cold,” she said as she rattled a plastic bag.

Cas pulled back and beamed at her friend for a moment before following her inside.

* * *

“Babe?” Bennie teased.  

Deanna clenched her jaw and continued to scribble something down on the pad in front of her.  “Aren’t you supposed to be in the kitchen?” she asked.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in your girlfriend?” Bennie asked.

Deanna’s face turned red, including the tips of her ears.  “Bennie…”

“What, what? Ain’t she your girlfriend now?” she asked as she sauntered back into the kitchen.  

Deanna followed her making a face as she did so.  “No, she’s not.  We’re just really good friends,” she said with a shrug.

Bennie slid her apron back on and Deanna approached to tie it for her.  “Really good friends who’ve spent the last three weeks fucking every other night and then cuddling afterwards, aw, such good friends.  How come we never did that?” she asked.  She turned around and folded her arms across her chest.  

“We did make out once, don’t you remember?  And we haven’t been fucking every other night…” Deanna said.

“Oh don’t remind me,” Bennie said with a grin.  “I’m just saying…it just looks like girlfriends from where I’m standing.”

“Really?  So quickly though? I mean we barely know each other we just…we’re getting to know each other.  And I like her a lot…I just… _girlfriends_?” she asked.

Bennie stroked her chin.  “I wonder…are you meeting a family member by any chance?” she asked.

Deanna’s mouth went dry and she nodded as she licked her lips.

Bennie snorted.  “Girlfriends.”

“Bennie.”

“Girl. Friends.”

“But I…”

“Do you  _want_  her to be your girlfriend?” Bennie asked.

Deanna shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Maybe?”

“Okay.  Maybe I should ask it like this, would you mind if she told you that she slept with someone else?” Bennie asked.    

Deanna flushed.  Would she mind?  She suddenly had the unbidden image of Castielle holding on to someone else, of someone else kissing her, making her moan, of her laughing at someone else’s jokes.  No.  She didn’t want that.  But she didn’t want to scare Cas off either.  

“I would mind, of course.  But don’t you think it’s a little too soon for that kind of talk?” she asked.  

Bennie shrugged.  “I don’t know, Deanna, I just…I’m just bustin’ your chops.  I’m happy for you, I really am,” she said with a grin.  

Deanna rolled her eyes and her phone buzzed.  She picked it up and grinned.  Cas had texted her the address of the boutique, along with a couple other things, those silly smiley faces that she loved to use so much.  

“Ugh, keep that ‘I’m totally falling for this chick’ face away from me,” Bennie grumbled.  

Deanna growled and punched Bennie in the arm lightly before leaving the kitchen.  “You’re an asshole,” she said.

Bennie laughed.  

* * *

“So…basically, you’re still fucking your one night stand?” Bela asked.  

“In so many words, yes,” Cas replied.  She had decided to come clean to Bela.  It made no sense in lying to her, or trying to keep it a secret.  

Bela rolled her eyes and shoveled some more food into her mouth.  “Well…I can’t say I’m surprised…” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.  

Cas looked down and continued to fiddle with her camera.  “She’s really sweet, Bela, I really like her,” Cas said.

“It’s only been a couple weeks, yeah?”

“Yeah…” Cas replied.  

Bela hummed thoughtfully and finally, she sighed.  “What’s so sweet about her?” she asked.  

Cas grinned as she began to flip through some of the photos she had taken over the weekend.  Deanna lying in her bed, the blanket pulled up to her chin, her shoulders peeking out from beneath the sheet, her hair fanning out across the pillow as she slept.  Cas hadn’t been able to stop staring at her, at the way the light came in through the window and hit her face, the way her freckles stood out, little galaxies on her skin.  She knew what this was.  This was the honeymoon phase, where everything was wonderful, where Deanna could do or say nothing wrong, but Cas didn’t even care.  A smile spread itself across her face as she flipped through the rest of the pictures.  

“Earth to Cas.  You’re being gross,” Bela said.  She looked as though she had just stepped on something quite unsavory and Cas couldn’t help but laugh.  

“Being gross?” Cas echoed.

“Yes, you’re doing that thing.  I haven’t seen you do that thing in a long time.”

“What thing?”

“The thing.”

Cas frowned.  “You’re being obtuse.”

“I am not! You’re doing that stupid thing with your face when you’re all…I don’t know, crushing on someone hardcore,” she said.  

“I do not do a thing!” Cas said.

“You  _so_  do a thing.  You can’t see your face! I can! That’s the same face you made way back when…oh God what was it…sophomore year at university.  What was that girl’s name?”

Cas’ entire face turned red and she rubbed the back of her neck.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.

Bela rubbed her chin and then she grinned.  “Tessa! Oh my God, you were so in love with her!” Bela said.

Cas made a face.  “I was  _not_  in love with Tessa.  I liked her a lot, yes, but I wasn’t…in love…that’s…come on Bela.”

Bela hummed but did not respond.  

Cas flipped through some more photos and sighed.  Was she really making a face?  She suddenly wished she had a mirror and that she could observe herself.  She wasn’t sure what was happening between her and Deanna but…she knew that she didn’t want to lose it, or let go of it, and honestly, that was more than enough for her.  

“Well, I’m sure you know the deal then is null and void,” Bela said with a dramatic sigh.  

Cas snorted.  “Yes, I figured as much.”

“Hey, hon?” Bela said.  

Cas looked up. “Yeah?”

Bela smiled softly.  “Look, I know you’re…you seem to be really into this girl, and I’m glad, I really am, but…don’t put all your eggs in one basket, yeah?  Just…you know…don’t get your heart broken,” she said.

“You know I could swear you were giving me some advice there,” she teased.

Bela frowned.  “I mean it, Cas.  I don’t want to see you all broken up because of some girl.  You’re my best friend and…I would hate to have to fuck her shit up, okay?” she said sweetly.

Cas laughed.  “That’s sweet, Bela,” she said.  She turned her attention back to the camera, zooming in once more on a photo of Deanna.  This time, she was awake and smiling.  Cas smiled and touched the screen.  

“I can still get you the studio if you want,” Bela said.  

Cas shook her head and took a sip of her coffee.  “You know…I think I’ll be okay without it.”

“You sure?”

Cas smiled and nodded.  “Very sure.”

* * *

Deanna walked up the steps that led to the bridal boutique.  There was a small sign hanging on an iron pole that read  _Betty’s Bridal_ , complete with little flowers and vines curling around the letters lazily.  Before buzzing the intercom, she looked down and made sure she didn’t have any stray bits of food or flour on her clothing.  When she was satisfied, she pressed down on the white button and stuck her hands into her pockets awkwardly.  

“Hey!” Cas said as she opened the door.  

Deanna felt a rush of affection for the girl as she stepped inside and she immediately leaned in for a kiss, catching Cas’ lips with her own.  

Cas smiled against her mouth and closed the door, pressing her up against it.  

“I need to get greeted like that every day,” Deanna said with a laugh as they pulled apart.

“Well, if you play your cards right,” Cas said with a wink.  

They stared at each other for a few moments and then someone cleared their throat from behind them.  

“Am I interrupting? Cas your sister wants…” the woman’s voice trailed off as Cas turned around.  

“Dee?”

“Lis?” Deanna stared at the woman in disbelief and walked over to her.  “Lisa Braeden.  It’s been…forever,” she said.  

Lisa grinned at her and shrugged her shoulders.  “Oh my God.  Deanna, I…wow, you look great,” she said. “Oh, Cas, sorry, your sister wants you,” Lisa said with a smile.  

Cas smiled thinly and walked past them both, but before she could walk into the other room, Deanna reached out and grabbed onto her wrist.  

Lisa stared at them both and she pursed her lips.  “Are you two…dating?” she asked in a strained voice.  

Deanna cleared her throat and looked over at Cas.  Were they?  “We’re sort of…”

“Figuring things out,” Cas finished with a smile.  She looked over at Deanna and winked.  

Lisa clasped her hands together and nodded.  “Well, I have…another client in the other show room so I should go…check on her, I’ll see you guys in a bit,” she said before walking away.  

Cas turned to Deanna.  “Friend of yours?”

Deanna flushed.  “An ex.  I haven’t seen her in a while.  Also, figuring things out?” Deanna whispered.

Cas grinned and nodded.  “Yeah, I mean…unless…we’re not?  I don’t know.  Deanna, what are we doing?” Cas asked in an urgent whisper.  

“Is this the time and place to discuss it?”

“When else are we going to do it?” Cas asked.  

Deanna shrugged.  “I don’t know, maybe, anywhere but here?  I mean your sister is in the next room!” she whispered.

Cas snorted.  “I don’t care about her.  Are we just fucking or…” her voice trailed off.  

Deanna swallowed thickly. “Does it matter?” Deanna found herself asking.  

Cas sucked in a breath and made a face.  “I don’t know, I mean…it would…you’re meeting my sister.  Why are you meeting my sister? Oh my God, do you even  _want_  to meet her? I’m so sorr—”

Deanna leaned forward and cut her off with a kiss.  She smiled when Cas relaxed against her, her shoulders slumping tiredly.  “Yes, Cas, I  _want_  to meet your sister.  It’s okay, really.  And…I want this to be…more than…just fucking,” she whispered.  

Castielle’s eyes widened and she grinned.  

Deanna wasn’t sure  _what_  they were but she knew for a fact that she didn’t want to let this simply slip through her fingers.  She found herself thinking of her and Lisa, about how things had been going okay between the two of them until she ruined it because of her problems and her insecurities.  She looked at Cas and reached forward to brush a lock of hair out of her face.  She tucked it securely behind her ear and smiled.

“Can you two lesbians get  _in here_  already?” someone shouted from the other room.

Cas cringed and shook her head.  “Are you ready for this? My sister is a bit…much,” she said.

Deanna shrugged.  “I think I can handle it,” she said with a smile.  

Cas leaned in for another kiss, moaning softly against Deanna’s mouth when suddenly the door behind them swung open.  

Deanna stumbled back, staring at the pretty woman who was currently fuming at her, one hand pressed against her hip, elbow jutting out angrily.  

“Really, Cas?” the woman said.  

Cas blushed and pulled back.  She fumbled around for Deanna’s hand and pulled her into the showroom, closing the door behind them.  “Dee, this is my sister Gabriella, Gabby, this is Deanna,” she said.  

Gabby had her hands on her waist and squinted at Deanna.  “So this is the infamous Deanna.  Oh my God, she will not shut up about you, it’s always Deanna this and Deanna that, you would think that you two were the ones getting married,” Gabby said.  

Deanna glanced at Cas who had turned a wonderful shade of pink and was looking down at the floor.  

“Shut it, Gabby,” she muttered.  

Gabby snorted and walked back over to the pedestal.  She climbed back on top of it and observed herself in the mirror.  “I don’t like this one,” she said with a sigh.  

“I think it’s beautiful,” Deanna offered.  

Gabby smoothed her hands down the sides of her dress and she smiled.  “It is…but…it’s not the one,” she said sadly.  

Cas rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.  “It’s just a dress, Gabby.  You’ll wear it once and then you’ll never wear it again.”

Gabby made a face.  “This is my  _wedding_ , Cas.  This is a big deal…” her voice trailed off.  “I know I probably…sound like a bitch half the time I just…I want this to be perfect…me and Kali…we…I really love her, and I want this to be a special day for both of us.  I’m not gonna show up in something I don’t love all the way.”  She gingerly climbed down the steps and walked over to the little dressing room.  “I think there’s one more dress left for me to try on…” she said quietly.  “Will you help me with the zipper?”

Deanna watched as Cas trudged over to her sister to help her out of the dress.  

“So, Cas tells me you’re a baker,” Gabby said from the dressing room.  

Deanna, who had just shoved a cookie into her mouth, began to chew rapidly.  “Uh, yeah!” she said in a muffled voice.   She wiped her hands on her jeans and sat down on a white padded couch.  

“Ouch, Cas! Watch what you’re doing,” Gabby grumbled.  

“I’m sorry, it’s not my fault you have giant feet!”

Deanna smiled as she listened to them squabble.  She felt a wave of sadness wash over her, missing her little sister Samantha intensely.  She pulled out her phone and texted her while Cas and Gabby fought to get her into the other dress.  

“It’s  _vintage_ , Cas,” Gabby snapped.

The door to the room opened and when Deanna looked up, she saw Lisa padding into the room.  

“Hey,” Lisa said.  

Deanna smiled at her.  “Hey.  They sound like they might need some help in there,” she said with a grimace.  

Lisa chuckled and nodded.  “I hope this isn’t weird for you,” she said softly.  

Deanna bit into another cookie and shook her head.  “No…no not at all.  I mean, is it…weird for you?  I can leave…”

Lisa waved her away.  “No, it’s fine.  Ancient history.  I guess it’s just…strange seeing you…I mean I’m glad to see you of course…it’s just been so long,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.  

The dressing room door opened and Cas stepped out.  She stopped short when she realized that Deanna and Lisa were talking.  

“Gabby needs some help,” she said softly.  

Lisa nodded and quickly walked over to the dressing room, leaving Deanna and Cas alone.  

“So…” Cas said as she walked over to Deanna.  

Deanna looked over at her.  “So.”

“You and Lisa.” She plopped down onto the soft couch and reached over for her camera which had been sitting on the table.  

“I can…meet you when you guys are done if it’s…”

“What? No.  God no. I was just being nosy.  You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Cas said.  

Deanna turned to her and grinned.  She leaned in for a kiss, nibbling lightly on Cas’ lower lip.  “I can tell you about it later,” she whispered.  

Cas smiled and nodded.  “Okay.  Now let me take a picture of you,” she said scooting back.  

Deanna waved her away.  “Aren’t you sick of taking pictures of me?”

Cas laughed.  “Absolutely not.”  

“You want to get a picture of me stuffing a cookie into my mouth?” Deanna teased as she reached for another one.  “These are really good.”

“I know, aren’t they.  I have to keep telling myself to stop eating them they’re like cr—” she stopped talking as Gabby walked out of the dressing room in the final dress she had decided to try on.  

Deanna’s breath caught in her throat as she looked at Gabby.  If Deanna had to choose one word to describe the dress, it would be stunning.  The front of it was covered with beautiful crystals, from the sleeves, down to the part covering her stomach.  The material itself wasn’t white but cream, and it flowed straight down to the floor.  The train trailed behind her, and Deanna could see that Gabby was even walking differently in the dress, holding her head up a little higher, and taking her time as she walked over to the podium.  When Gabby turned around, both Deanna and Cas gasped audibly as they saw the design on the back.  The way the delicate crystals were placed, almost looked like angel wings.  

Cas slowly rose from her seat, her camera in hand and began framing shots, rapidly firing away, while Deanna sat back and watched.  She waited for Gabby to see herself in the mirror, and when she did, she smiled.  

Gabby lifted her hand to her mouth and covered it, squeezing her eyes shut and then opening them again.  She turned around and grinned at Cas and Deanna.  “This is it, guys, I think this is the one,” she said almost reverently.    

Cas didn’t respond, and continued to take pictures.  

Deanna got up and walked over to her.  She stopped next to Cas, their arms brushing as they both looked up at Gabby, practically glowing in the beautiful gown.  “It looks…beautiful, Gabriella…I mean really…it’s just gorgeous…” she said.  Deanna could see tears prickling in Gabby’s eyes.

Gabby waved her away.  “Please, call me Gabby.  Gabriella makes me feel like some weird old aristocratic woman,” she said with a sniffle.  

“Aren’t you?” Cas teased.  She lowered her arm and looked up at her sister. Her heavy camera rest lightly against her chest.  “You look beautiful.  I love it.  Should I send a picture to mom?” she asked.

Gabby’s face hardened for a moment, all of the joy and mirth slipping out of it, and then as quickly as it had gone, it returned.  

A mask, Deanna realized.

“No.  She’ll see it on the wedding day.  If she comes.”

Cas frowned.  “You  _know_  she’s going to come, G, she’s just…” her voice trailed off.  

Deanna gingerly reached out and entwined her fingers with Cas’, squeezing down on her hand reassuringly.   

Cas looked over at her and smiled.        

“It’s fine, Cas, I don’t want you to send anything to her.  Kali is going to go crazy when she sees this,” she said excitedly.

Deanna made a face.  “You’re gonna show her your dress before you get married?” she asked.  

Gabby shrugged.  “Yeah, why not?”

“Well, isn’t it bad luck?” Deanna asked.

Gabby chuckled.  “It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride, but we have no groom, just two extremely hot brides,” she said with a wide grin.  

“Not only that…I think it would be…a nice surprise. I mean imagine the both of you seeing each other for the first time in your gowns on your wedding day.  I’d want it to be a surprise…” she said with a small smile.  

Gabby stroked her chin and then nodded.  “You know, I think you’re right.  This one is wise, I’d keep her around if I were you,” she said with a wink as she looked at Cas.  

Cas’ face turned red again and she shook her head.  

Lisa, who had been observing from the side all this time, walked over to Gabby and smoothed out the front of the dress.  “Gabriella, I…this dress was made for you,” she said simply.  

Gabby took Lisa’s hands in her own and smiled at her.  “Thank you for all your help,  _seriously_ ,” she said with a smile.  

Lisa grinned up at her and nodded.  

Gabby looked at herself in the mirror once more and finally, allowed herself to cry.  

* * *

“I’m not gonna get anything done like this,” Deanna moaned.  

Cas was behind her, arms wrapped around her waist, pressing soft kisses against her neck.  She nibbled lightly on the tender flesh and smiled.  “Maybe I don’t want you to get anything done,” she teased.  

“Hey now, do you want this banana bread or not?” Deanna asked.  

Cas sighed loudly and slumped against her.  “You’re no fun,” she grumbled.  She let go of Deanna’s waist and walked around to the other side of the counter, where she climbed up on a stool and sat down.  She picked up her camera and began to snap shots of Deanna as she worked.  She zoomed in and took photos of Deanna’s hands as she worked.  She realized that Deanna was different when she baked.  It was the first time since they had met that she was getting to see her in her element, mixing and measuring, cracking eggs and melting butter.  

“Banana bread is simple,” Deanna said as she cracked the eggs.  

“And it’s delicious,” Cas said with a smile.  

Soft music wafted from a little radio perched on top of the fridge and Deanna hummed along to the song as she poured the eggs into the bowl with the butter and the sugar.  “I’m guessing you want to know about Lisa?” she asked, not looking up.  

Cas gently placed her camera on the counter top and threaded her fingers together.  A part of her wanted to know.  She wanted to know what went wrong, what could have possibly caused Deanna to  _not_  be with someone.  And another part of her wanted to keep it a secret.  She didn’t want their own…experience to be tainted by whatever Deanna had gone through.    “Was it a bad break up?” she asked eventually.  

Deanna took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders.  “I had a lot going on.  Lisa…was there for me when I needed her but…I had a lot of family issues and I…I couldn’t…be what she needed.  So I left. I left her, I mean,” she said softly.  

“Thank you for being honest,” Cas said with a small smile.  

“I um…” her voice trailed off.  

Cas swung her legs off the side of the stool and padded over to Deanna.  As the song switched, Cas gingerly reached forward and took the fork out of Deanna’s hand, placing it on the counter.  She pulled Deanna over to her and looked up into her eyes, reaching up to brush her fingers through her hair.  “I understand…I really do…” she said softly.  She pressed her palm against Deanna’s chest and felt her heart thumping wildly against its cage.  

Deanna leaned over and pressed a kiss against Cas’ lips.  She smiled when she felt Cas’ fingers tugging at the bottom of her shirt, eager. “Cas,” Deanna groaned out.  

Cas looked up at her and grinned.

* * *

Somehow, they managed to get the banana bread into the oven.  Deanna dragged Cas out into the living room and they plopped down onto the couch, the both of them clad only in bras and panties.  

It was nice, Deanna realized, to have the apartment to herself.  With Charlie gone to visit Gilda and Bennie working the overnight shift at the diner, they could do whatever they wanted, wherever they wanted, which included sex in the kitchen for starters, which was a pleasant change of scenery even if it wasn’t as comfortable as a couch or her bed.     

Now, Cas was snuggled in one corner of the couch, holding on to Deanna, gently rubbing soft circles into her stomach.  She pressed a kiss against Deanna’s shoulder and smiled.  

“I’ve had one serious girlfriend,” Cas began softly.   

Deanna straightened up and then relaxed again when Cas pressed her hand against her stomach.  “Are we having the ex talk?” Deanna asked turning back to look at her.  

Cas grinned and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.  “I guess so…” Cas’ voice trailed off and then she sighed.  “Her name was Tessa.  We…met in sophomore year and we…dated for almost two years,” she said.

Deanna whistled.  “Wow, that’s…”

“A long time, yeah, I know.  She left to study abroad…we tried the long distance thing for a little while but it wasn’t working.  She had an affair…and she told me about it when she came home over Christmas break…” she said with a shrug.  

“Ouch,” Deanna murmured.  “And since then?” Deanna asked.  She rolled over so she could face Cas and look into her eyes.  

Cas’ lips were pressed together in a thin line and she shrugged again.  “Since then I’ve…I’ve had relationships here and there but nothing has ever…I’ve never…”

Deanna nodded and lowered her gaze.  “Lisa was my longest relationship…we were together for a year. This…what you and I are doing…this is…a little different for me,” she said softly.

Cas frowned.  “What do you mean?”

Deanna took a deep breath and finally lifted her head to meet Cas’ gaze.  How could she begin to tell her that aside from Lisa, she hadn’t been in any other ‘relationships’? How could she explain to her that she had slept with a lot of women, that she avoided things like…things like  _this_?  

“This…like…you and me…here…me meeting your sister, baking you banana bread…I don’t do this…with anyone,” she said softly.  

“Well I’m not just anyone,” Cas replied quietly.  

“Oh you’re not?” Deanna teased.  

Cas shook her head. “Nope.  I’m actually not even from this planet,” she said as she bat her eyelashes.  

Deanna snorted.  “Oh, really?  And where exactly are you from?” she asked, grinning.  

“Heaven,” Cas said with a wink.  

Deanna groaned and lowered her head, pressing her face against Cas’ breasts.  “Oh no, that was the corniest joke in the history of jokes,” she said in a muffled voice.  

Cas laughed, her entire body shaking.  She reached up and curled her hands around Deanna’s arms, squeezing down lightly on them.  “I know that this is...probably going to sound extremely…cheesy, but…I don’t care about your past, Deanna,” she said quietly.  

Deanna looked up at Cas and smiled.  

“I’m serious…look I don’t know what this is either, and I don’t know where we’ll end up…” Cas said.

“Do all lesbians do this?” Deanna teased.  

“Hush, I’m trying to be romantic here,” Cas whispered.  

Deanna pressed a soft kiss against Cas’ left breast and then bit down on the cushy flesh lightly.  

Cas moaned as Deanna sucked a mark into her skin, and when the girl pulled away, she could see a bright red hickey standing out angrily against her flesh.  

“How’s that for romantic?” Deanna asked.  

Cas rolled her eyes.  “So romantic.  Where did you learn such skills?”

“Culinary school.”

Cas snorted.  “Really?  Is that what they teach you there?”

“Yeah, certain fruits, you gotta bite em to make sure they’re ripe,” Deanna said seriously.

“I find that really hard to believe,” Cas said skeptically.  

“Look I’ll show you,” Deanna said.  She hovered her mouth over Cas’ right breast and slowly pressed her lips against it.  “Kissing it is good, you know, to check the softness,” she murmured.

Cas laughed.  “Oh okay.”

“And then, you can get a little squeeze in there if you’d like,” Deanna continued.  She brought her hand up and gently squeezed Cas’ breast, watching as she laughed again.  “And finally, you can just give it a little nibble, you know, just to make sure…” her voice trailed off as she nibbled lightly on Cas’ flesh, leaving another mark.  

“Deanna! I have to go look for a dress soon, oh my God, what have you done?” she asked.  She covered her face with her hands and shook her head.  “Oh my God.”

Deanna giggled.  “No one is gonna see it,” she said.    

Cas groaned and attempted to shove her off but then she stopped.  She stared at Deanna’s face, at the smattering of freckles, the green eyes, the wide smile, and her heart swelled with emotion.  She reached forward and tenderly brushed her fingers through Deanna’s hair, smiling as the girl leaned into the touch and closed her eyes.  

“Dee?” she said softly.

Deanna hummed.  

“Will you be my plus one?” she asked.  

Deanna’s eyes popped open.  “What?” she asked.  

“My plus one.  To Gabby’s wedding.”

Deanna sucked in a breath and her gaze softened.  “Are you serious?” she asked.

Cas grinned and nodded.  “Yes.  I am.”

Deanna swallowed thickly and took a deep breath.  This felt huge, to her.  To be asked to accompany someone to something so…personal.  She felt tears prickle at her eyes and she hung her head, embarrassed.  

“I’m sorry, I know it’s asking a lot.  If you don’t want to go I’ll understand,” Cas said softly.  

Deanna looked up and quickly shook her head.  “No, Cas, of course I want to go I just…are you sure you want to…take  _me_?”

Cas frowned.  “What do you mean?”

Deanna sighed deeply and shrugged.  “I mean…I work at a diner.  I’m barely getting by…I don’t…I’m not fancy,” she said.  

Cas snorted.  “Dee I like you because of  _you_ , because of who you are and the way you make me feel…not because of what you do or how much money you have…” She reached up and brushed a thumb against Deanna’s cheek.  

Deanna closed her eyes and smiled.  

“So?” Cas pressed.

Deanna opened her eyes once more.  “So?”

“So, will you…be my plus one?” Cas asked.

Deanna nodded and grinned.  “Yes,” she replied.

Cas squealed and sat up, propping herself up on her hands so she could lean forward and kiss Deanna. After a moment, Cas frowned and pulled back.  “Do you smell that?”

Deanna squinted at her and sniffed.  “Oh my God, Cas! The banana bread!” she shrieked.  

They both scrambled to get off the couch, and in the confusion, they somehow ended up tumbling onto the ground.  They stared at each other for a few moments before bursting out laughing.  

Deanna straddled Cas’ hips and dipped down to kiss her.  

The bread could wait.

* * *

“Cas, I’m home!”

Cas sniffed and rolled over, pressing her face against the pillow.  It was too early for this, way too early.  

“Oh, Cas!”

“Shut UP, Hael!” Cas yelled.  She grumbled something below her breath because she knew what was coming next.  Her bedroom door swung open and there was Hael in all her glory, beaming down at Cas.

“Cas I was so terribly excited to see—” she stopped short when she realized that Cas was not alone.   

Cas had gotten so used to having the apartment to herself, and so her and Deanna had been spending more time together there, taking advantage of the solitude while they could.  

“You’re not alone,” Hael whispered.  

Cas rolled over onto her back and glanced over at Deanna who was completely knocked out.  She was even snoring lightly.  Cas made a mental note to tease her about it when she woke up.  

“Yes, Captain Obvious, there’s a girl in my bed,” Cas said.  

Someone else walked into the room and wrapped their arms around Hael’s waist.  They pressed a kiss against her shoulder and cocked an eyebrow.  “Oh look, there’s a girl in her bed,” the girl drawled.  

Cas rolled her eyes and squinted at Meg.  She hadn’t seen her in over a month and what a blissful month it had been.  “Do you guys mind?” Cas whispered as she gestured towards Deanna.  

“Time to get your ass out of bed, angel,” Meg teased.

Cas bristled but didn’t respond.  Something about Meg always set her teeth on edge.  She couldn’t put her finger on why or what it was, but she always managed to unsettle her somehow.    

“Don’t you want to hear about our trip?” Hael asked with a pout.  

Next to her, Deanna stirred but did not wake up.  

Cas groaned again and shook her head.  “Yes but, perhaps later? Can you both get out of here?  And close my door?” she asked.  She listened as Hael whispered something to Meg below her breath on the way out.  She waited for a couple minutes then crawled out of bed.  She walked over to the door and locked it, shaking her head the entire time.  

She had been living with Hael for a year and a half now.  She liked Hael, for the most part.  She was sweet, though a little bit intrusive.  She worked at an event planning firm in the city that sent her all over the country for conferences, which was nice because it meant that Cas had a lot of time to herself at the apartment.  Hael’s girlfriend, Meg, whom she had been dating for about 6 months or so, had taken it upon herself to sometimes pop up at the apartment, even when Hael was away to ‘spend some time in her room because she missed her’.  Hael’s last two conferences had been on the West coast and so she had decided to simply take a two week vacation when they were done.  Meg had flown out to meet her, and so the two of them had been gone for about a month.  

It had been a very peaceful month.  

Cas liked Hael.  And she could tolerate Meg, for the most part, but she had come to appreciate the quietness of the apartment.  She loved that she didn’t have to worry about bumping into Meg in the bathroom in nothing but her underwear, or that she would run into the both of them making out in the kitchen while their breakfast burned.  

She crawled back into her bed and slipped beneath the covers, looking over at Deanna who somehow managed to sleep through that entire interaction.  She looked so peaceful, her face calm and features soft with sleep.  Her eyes fluttered and slowly they opened.  

Cas smiled at her.  “Morning,” she whispered.

Deanna hummed happily.  “Hey you,” she said tiredly.  She rubbed her eyes and yawned.  “Oh man, what time is it?” she asked as she looked around for the clock.  

“It’s only nine, you still have a couple hours before your shift starts,” Cas said.  

Deanna smiled and turned back to face her.  “Oh do I?” she asked with a wicked grin.

“Yes you do,” Cas whispered as she snuggled closer to her.  

Deanna wrapped an arm around Cas’ waist and sighed happily.  

“My roommate and her girlfriend are back,” Cas rumbled.  

“Oh, that’s great babe.”

Cas grunted.

“Okay…not so great?”

Cas chuckled.  “You must think I’m a terrible person,” she said.   

“The worst, actually,” Deanna said with a chuckle.

“I’m just tired of…I like this…me and you, I don’t…” her voice trailed off.

Deanna yawned and sniffled.  “Maybe we should get a place together,” she said.  

Cas froze.  What did Deanna say?  A place? Together?  She cleared her throat and blinked.  “What did you say, babe?” She turned to face Deanna and let out a weak laugh.  

Deanna had already fallen back asleep.


	5. I Was A Fool

"I was a fool for love. I was a fool for love. I was a fool."

* * *

Deanna yawned as she scribbled down yet another order onto her little notepad.  “Okay.  No fries?  Oh, you _want_ fries? Okay.  Cheeseburger deluxe, fries, oh, you want sweet potato fries? Okay. No that’s fine.  No extra charge.  Okay. Bye.”

She rolled her eyes, stuck her pen into her messy bun and ripped off the order ticket, muttering something below her breath.  

Bennie observed her with an amused expression through the window.  “Well, you look tired,” she teased.

Deanna yawned again and slid the ticket over the counter.  “Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don’t know,” she murmured.  

“You worked at the bar last night?”

“Yep, till closing.”

“You sure you weren’t you know…at your girlfriend’s place?” Bennie asked with a laugh.  

Deanna frowned and shook her head.  “I wish,” she said as the phone rang again.  Ever since Cas’ roommate Hael had returned with her hell-spawn girlfriend Meg, she and Cas had spent less time together.  It had been almost a week since she had seen her, and she found herself missing Cas, craving her touch, her scent, her warmth pressed up against her at night.  And Cas had been busy too, with school and work.  She had been working tirelessly on her portfolio, spending hours at the photo lab, developing photo after photo and spending a lot of time in the dark.  

She knew Cas missed her too.  She could tell.  She could hear it in her voice when she called.  She sounded tired and drained and all Deanna wanted to do was wrap her up in her arms and never let go.  

“Hello, this is The Roadhouse, Deanna speaking, what can I get you?”

“Hi, I’d like to place an order for pick up.  I’d like one gorgeous girl, body covered in freckles, she might have a couple faded hickeys on her ass, and a few between her thighs,” someone whispered.  

Deanna’s eyes bulged out of their sockets.  “ _Cas_?” she whispered.

Cas giggled.  “Hey you.  I miss you, I just wanted to say hi.”

Deanna’s heart fluttered in her chest.  She felt like a teenager, fumbling around in the dark. “I miss you too, babe,” she whispered.

“Order up!” Bennie called from the kitchen.  

Deanna groaned and sighed loudly.  “It’s crazy in here today.”

“I can imagine.  I just popped out of the store for a minute to give you a ring. I should get back in there before my boss comes looking for me,” Cas said sadly.  

“Go sell those cameras,” Deanna teased.

“Oh hush.  Oh man, I got so drunk the other night with Hael.  It was terrible.”

“What? Why?”

“Order up, Dee!” Bennie called again.  

“Yeah, yeah! I heard you the first time, woman!” Deanna shouted.  

“Yeah, it was the only way to deal with listening to her go on and on about her vacation.  I just kinda zoned out and kept drinking.  Anyway, I’ll let you go before your cook bites your head off.”

Deanna laughed.  “Bennie is a pain in the ass.”

“ORDER UP!” Bennie shouted again.

“Oh my GOD, Bennie! Bye Cas, love you,” Deanna said.  She sucked in a breath when she realized what had just tumbled out of her mouth.

Cas remained silent for a moment.  “Love you too,” she said quietly.  

When Deanna hung up the phone, her heart was pounding in her chest.  She quietly walked over to the window, picked up the order that Bennie had just fixed, a small smile playing on her lips.  

She didn’t even yell at Krissy when she came over, blowing a large bubble with bright pink gum.  It popped and Krissy quickly sucked the gum back into her mouth, flashing Deanna a sheepish smile.  “Sorry,” Krissy said.

“Huh?”

Krissy frowned.  “I said…you okay?”

Deanna grinned. “Yeah, yeah I’m good.”

Krissy made a face.  “Ew. Are you happy?  Gross.” She took the plate out of Deanna’s hands and walked away.  

Deanna hummed happily and propped her chin up on her hands, her elbows on the counter.

_Love you too._

She was so fucked.  

* * *

“So you mean to tell me that you’ve been dating this girl for two months and you’ve failed to find out when her birthday was?” Bennie asked.  

It had been about a month since the ‘love you’ incident, as Deanna had dubbed it.  Since then, her and Cas had decided to officially call themselves girlfriends.  It had been a big moment for them both, Cas, finally letting someone else in, and Deanna, finally slowing down to let someone love her, the way she deserved.   

Deanna ran her fingers through her hair and groaned.  “I’m pretty sure I asked…like…way back…you know, in the beginning,” she said.  

Bennie chuckled.  “What are you gonna do?” she asked.  

Deanna chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head.  Cas’ birthday was tomorrow.  She had only found out earlier that day when a large bouquet of flowers had been delivered to Cas’ apartment, courtesy of her mother.

“Of course, flowers, because tomorrow is your birthday, and of course, I have such a wonderful gift for you,” Deanna had said awkwardly before kissing her on the cheek.  

“Yes, Deanna,” Cas had replied, an amused expression on her face.  

“I’m the worst girlfriend ever,” Deanna moaned.

“No you’re not.  Relax,” Bennie chided.

“Relax? How am I supposed to relax, Bennie?” Deanna asked.    

“Just breathe.  Think.  You have time to get her something.  Or hell, make her something,” Bennie said as she yawned and plopped down onto the couch.

Deanna perked up.  She could definitely _make_ Cas something.  Why the hell hadn’t she thought of it before?  “I know what I’m gonna do,” she said getting up.

Bennie looked over at her.  “What are you gonna do?”

Deanna grinned.  “What I do best.  Bake her a cake!”

* * *

She settled on a Chiffon cake with strawberries and cream.  

Bennie had graciously offered to run out and pick up the missing ingredients while she set up in the kitchen.  

It had been a while since she had baked something, and she found that her hands were practically itching her to get down to business.  She had been spending so much of her time between the diner and the bar, she hadn’t really gotten a chance to do what she loved the most: bake.  She began to mix together the dry ingredients, the flour, the sugar, the baking powder, and the salt.  When she was done, she got started on the wet portion.  She mixed the oil, the egg yolks, and the milk in a large silver bowl, watching as all of the ingredients began to bind themselves together.  Taking her time, she began to whisk the flower mixture into the wet mixture.  When that was done, she set it off to the side and began to work on the egg whites.  

While she was beating the egg whites and the vanilla extract, Bennie returned with the ingredients for the cream.  Bennie smiled when she saw Deanna working.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen her friend pour herself into something like this.  It was a good look for her.  

Bennie suddenly found herself intensely missing the days of culinary school.  She missed the two of them coming home with bags of groceries, cooking new things and baking things every weekend.  Now, it seemed that they both spent most of their time at work, and didn’t spend very much time working on their cooking and baking skills.  

“Dee why don’t we do this anymore?” Bennie asked as she began to empty her shopping bags.

Deanna looked up at her and frowned.  “Do what?”

“You know, _this_.  We used to cook and bake and…make all kinds of good stuff.  Now we’re lucky if we make waffles in here,” she said with a yawn.  

Deanna chuckled and shrugged.  “Too busy, I suppose,” she said sadly.  

“Well we need to make ourselves un-busy.  We need to start cooking again, baking again.  What are we gonna do when we open our café and we have no menu? Nothing?” Bennie asked.  

Deanna stopped whisking and looked up at Bennie.  She picked up the spatula and began to fold in the rest of the egg white mixture into the cake batter.  

“I still want to do this, Deanna.  I still want a place of our own.  So why aren’t we doing anything toward making ourselves better?”  Bennie asked.  

Deanna sighed.  Bennie was right.  They had been neglecting their cooking and baking for so long, it was shameful.  “Alright, let’s start off slow.  One dessert a week, and we’ll try to make a decent lunch on the weekends,” she said with a smile.  

Bennie walked over to the sink and began to wash the strawberries.  “Deal.”

Deanna paused, and then took a deep breath.  “And we should start brainstorming on the menu as well.  I mean…we’re not gonna make any progress if we just…” her voice trailed off and she turned around to face Bennie.  

Bennie was popping a strawberry into her mouth and grinning at her.  

“Stop looking at me like that,” Deanna said with a pout.  

Bennie laughed.  “I’m excited, sugar.  I really am,” she said.  

Deanna smiled at her and felt butterflies in her stomach.  “Me too.”

* * *

Twenty six felt no different from twenty five.  

Cas yawned and trudged out of her room, squinting in the sunlight streaming through the windows.  The apartment was empty.  Hael had left with Meg last night and they didn’t return.   Cas could only assume that they had stayed over at Meg’s place.  

She walked through the living room and glanced at the obnoxiously large bouquet of flowers her mother had sent her yesterday.  They were gorgeous, of course, and when Deanna had brought them inside, they had covered her entire face.  Cas had made a mental note to explore this theme in her next photo shoot, women hiding their faces behind flowers.  

In her pocket, her phone buzzed.  She smiled when she realized it was a text message from Deanna.

 **Deanna** : happy birthday, babe!! I can’t wait to see you!

Cas grinned and quickly typed up a response.

 **Cas** : thanks, love. can’t wait to see you too! what time are you coming over?

She walked over to the coffee machine and flipped it on.  

 **Deanna** : well I get out at 5 so I should be at your place by 6? maybe a little earlier?

Cas pouted.  

 **Cas** : I don’t want you here at 6. want you here now!!

 **Deanna** : haha. I know. anyway. I gotta go. duty calls. xoxo.

Cas sighed and slipped her phone back into her pocket.  Growing up, she had always felt awkward about her birthday.  She never understood why her parents always insisted on throwing large parties, inviting all of her classmates when she constantly told them that she would much rather something more intimate.  She had never understood their life, she never understood the way they spent money on things that didn’t matter.  She looked around her small kitchen and smiled.  She felt more at home here than she ever did in her large family home back upstate.  

She pressed her hands against the counter and yawned.  Her phone buzzed again.  

“Happy Birthday, darling!” Bela shouted.  

Cas smiled and propped the phone up against her shoulder.  “Thank you, dear,” she said.  She pulled out a coffee mug from the cupboard and walked over to the fridge to search for milk.  

“So.  I’m taking you to lunch, are you dressed?” Bela asked.

Cas scoffed. “I’m making coffee.”

“Oh God.  Is your girlfriend there?”

“What? No.  I just slept in.  Christ, it _is_ my birthday.  I can do what I want.”

Bela made an undignified sound.  “Listen.  I’ll be over there in a couple hours.  I’ll give you some time to be a lazy bum, but then I expect you to be ready to go when I get there.”

Cas groaned.  “Deanna is coming over later,” she said.  

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist.  I’ll have you back home before your lady arrives.”

“Fine,” Cas grumbled.  

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few.”

“See ya.” She hung up the phone and went back to mixing her coffee.  She added a bit of sugar and then dragged herself out into the living room.  She gingerly lowered herself onto the couch and folded her legs beneath her body before taking a sip of her coffee.  She wondered if Deanna had any special plans for tonight.  Maybe she would be taking her out to dinner? Or maybe they would stay in…order some food…watch a couple movies?

Whatever they chose to do, ultimately, she knew one thing: as long as she was with Deanna, she would be okay.  

She lifted her coffee cup to her lips and smiled.  

* * *

Deanna glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed.  It was almost five, finally.  The day had seemingly dragged on forever, and she was glad that it was finally winding down, for her at least.  Behind her in the display was the cake she had baked for Cas.  She figured it would be easier to go directly to Cas’ apartment instead of leaving the diner to go home and pick up the cake only to head back out again so quickly.  She stifled a yawn and began to clean up the countertop.  The new girl, Ruby, would be here any minute to take over, assuming she wasn’t late, and Deanna wasn’t about to head out and leave the place in a mess.  

While she wiped down the counter, her mind ran on Cas.  She really hoped that she would like the cake.  She had still gone out of her way to get her a little something else, a necklace with a tiny silver pendant in the shape of two little angel wings.  They were delicate things, yet something about them still looked…strong.  She smiled to herself and hoped that Cas would like them.  

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she dropped her rag on the countertop.  When she pulled out her phone, she frowned.  It wasn’t Cas like she expected, it was Tamara.  “Hello?”

“Dee.  Hey, how are you?” Tamara asked.  

“I’m good, what about you?”  Deanna chewed on her bottom lip and hoped that Tamara wasn’t planning on asking her to work tonight.     

“Listen, um, I was wondering if you could stop by Envy for a sec,” she said.

“Ah, I’m sorry, T, it’s Cas’ birthday and…I really can’t work tonight,” Deanna explained.  

“Oh, no it’s not work related.  I…I really don’t know what to do here, I feel like I’m in a bit of a jam.”

Deanna frowned.  “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

Tamara sighed.  “It’s about Cas.  I overheard something and…I just feel like you should know.”

Deanna’s heart began to pound wildly in her chest.  “Well…can’t you tell me over the phone?” she asked.  She listened as Tamara sighed again, wondering what it could be. Tamara was usually calm and collected, and for something to rattle her this much, well, whatever it was must be serious.  “Listen, I’m leaving the diner in like five minutes.  I’ll be there in twenty, okay?” she said.

Tamara breathed a sigh of relief.  “Okay.  See you soon.”

Deanna hung up the phone and her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.  She wasn’t sure what was going on, but she hoped it wasn’t anything too serious.  

With butterflies flitting around in her stomach, she got her things together, and left.

* * *

Tamara was behind the bar, cutting up limes when Deanna arrived.  When Tamara saw her, she smiled, though it didn’t quite reach the corners of her eyes.  

“Deanna.”

“Hey T,” she said tiredly.  She placed the box with Cas’ birthday cake on the countertop and climbed up onto a bar stool.  “So...” she said, her voice trailing off.  

Tamara lowered her gaze and continued to delicately slice the limes.  She licked her lips and finally, she looked up at Deanna.  “I’ve been debating whether I should tell you this or not for a couple days,” she began.  

“Okay.”

Tamara set the knife down and picked up her rag which she used to wipe her hands.  “A couple nights ago…two girls came in here, they looked…posh, yeah? You know the type, Marc Jacobs bags, Coach wallets.  You know the drill.”

Deanna snorted.  “Do I.”

“Anyway.  These two girls are chatting and…I overhear Cas’ name.  So I shrug it off, but they start talking about her photography so I knew it had to be your Cas.”

Deanna straightened up.  “Okay,” she said softly.  

“They basically went on to say that…she had a girlfriend.  I assumed they meant you and then…they said that she…slept with  you as part of a bet.”

Deanna sucked in a breath. “What?”

“Apparently it was some kind of joke, or bet, I don’t know.  I didn’t realize that Cas hung around with girls like that.”

“I mean I know her best friend is…a little, you know…but…I don’t…” she stopped talking and scrubbed a hand across her face.  She wasn’t sure how to react.  All that stuff that Cas had told her about being with her for _her_ and about how money wasn’t an issue…had she been lying?  Was it all just a giant game to her?  She quickly pulled out her phone and pulled up her web browser.  She quickly typed in Cas’ name into Google and waited to see what she would find.  

Stories and articles began to load.  The very first one sent her heart up into her throat.  

**_Castielle Novak, daughter of property tycoon Chuck Novak takes part in smalltime photography show at the Lich Gallery._ **

Deanna frowned. Daughter of… _property tycoon?_ Her mind was still reeling from the information that Tamara had given her.  Had Cas really fucked her as part of a bet?  Was she meeting up with her rich friends and telling them all about poor, sad Deanna who worked at the diner, who had dropped out of high school all those years ago to take care of her baby sister?  Was she telling these people her deepest secrets that she had shared with Cas?  She felt her stomach boil and she knew she was going to be sick.

“You alright, love?” Tamara asked softly.

Deanna shook her head, blinking away tears that had formed in her eyes.  “No.”

“I’m really sorry.  I wasn’t going to say anything but…the more I thought about it, the more I realized how wrong it was…I mean, it was just the way they said it, you know? It just sounded so…fucked up.”

Deanna swallowed thickly.  She nodded and her gaze fell on the light blue cake box to her left.  “It’s fine.  Really.  Thank you for telling me, T.”

Tamara nodded, a solemn expression on her face. “I figured I’d want someone to tell me…and I didn’t want you to…find out any other way.”

Deanna managed a wan smile and swung her legs off the stool.  Her legs were wobbly but she managed to remain standing.  Her stomach was a mess of tied up knots and butterflies. But more than anything, she felt…angry.  Angry that Cas had lied to her, that she had been lying to her all this time.  “I’m gonna go,” she said softly.  

Tamara smiled at her, a soft smile, one filled with sorrow and pity.  

She picked up her cake box and set out once more.  She would set the record straight, once and for all.  

* * *

Cas had to admit it, she had enjoyed her little lunch outing with Bela.  It had been a while since the two of them had connected, and so sitting across from one another, eating sushi and complaining about their lives had been a welcome distraction from everything.  

Now, she was back home, still in her clothes from earlier, sitting on the couch, flipping channels.  Being that it was her birthday, she had dressed up a bit for the occasion, putting her hair up in an elegant bun, while she wore a gorgeous black, lace dress that her mother had sent for her once.  In her ears were a pair of pearls, and on her index finger on her right hand, she wore a dainty silver ring that Gabby had given to her a long time ago.  It was as fancy as she would allow herself to be, but even she couldn’t deny it, she enjoyed how she felt in the clothes. She liked how the jewelry looked.  Even if it was only for a little while, she would bask in it until it was time for her to go back to her normal dress code of jeans and sneakers.  

The doorbell buzzed and she hopped off the couch so fast she stumbled and almost fell. Giggling and giddy with excitement, she trotted over to the door and unlocked it, grinning widely when she saw Deanna.  The smile was wiped off her face, however, when she saw Deanna’s expression.  Cas stepped aside, frowning.  “Hey you,” she said.

Deanna smiled wanly at her, her eyes roaming from head to toe, taking it all in.

“Do you like my dress?” Cas asked with a wink.  She stepped back and turned around to give Deanna a full view.  

“It’s great.  Happy birthday,” Deanna said as she walked inside.  

Cas pulled her into a hug but frowned when Deanna didn’t hug her back.  Was something wrong?  “Is everything alright?” she asked.  

Deanna shrugged and walked over to the couch.  She placed the cake box on the coffee table and folded her arms across her chest.  “Cas um.  There’s something I need to ask you,” Deanna said.

“Okay.”

“Did you...did you sleep with me as...part of some kind of bet?” she asked.

Cas sucked in a breath.  “What?”

Deanna looked down.  Her vision was blurring.  “Did you fuck me as part of a bet?” she asked again.  She raised her voice and lifted her head.  She stared at Cas’ face, into her blue eyes.  

Cas’ mouth dropped open and she was temporarily unable to speak.  How did Deanna know?  Who had told her? She hadn’t told anyone besides Bela.  Her mind was spinning.  The look on Deanna’s face was enough to make her want to dig herself into a hole and never return.  Ever.  

“Cas…” Deanna said, her voice low.  

Cas swallowed thickly and hung her head in shame.  

It was all Deanna needed to know.  “So it’s true.”

“Dee, it’s not what you think.”

Deanna scoffed. “It’s not what I think?  I knew you were too good to be true.  I knew this was too good to be true.  Oh my God, how I could have been so blind? Castielle Novak.  Daughter of Chuck Novak.  When were you planning on mentioning that you and your family are...not even well off...what word would I use to describe it?”

“Deanna listen.  My family has nothing to do with me.  I was gonna tell you when the time was right.  It just didn’t seem like it really mattered.”

“Of course it matters! You think I’m some kind of joke.  Fuck the poor girl.  Did you laugh at me behind my back with all of your rich friends?” Deanna asked, a tear finally running down her cheek.  She quickly wiped it away.  

“You know I would never do anything like that.  And I don’t have rich friends.  It's just Bela and you know that!”

“Was this ever real for you?” Deanna asked, her voice wavering.  She couldn’t even look at Cas anymore.  

“Deanna, please, listen to me--”

“No, Cas.  You listen to me.  I...just answer the question...yes or no...did you sleep with me because of a bet?”

Cas let out a breath of air and her lower lip trembled. It made no sense lying, she would only make things worse if she did so.  “Yes,” she whispered.  

Deanna’s face crumpled and she nodded.  “Okay.  I’m gonna go.”

“Dee wait.”

“Cas I can’t do this.  I...I’ve gotta go.  I’m sorry.”    She wiped her face with the back of her hand and walked past Cas.  

Cas watched her helplessly as she walked over to the door.  “Please don’t leave,” Cas said in a small voice.

Deanna turned and looked at her once more, tears falling from her eyes.  She reached into her purse and pulled out a small jewelry box.  She stared at it for a moment before walking back up to Cas and handing it to her.  “Happy birthday.” she said quietly.  “You might have to find someone else to go to that wedding with you,” Deanna said.

Cas watched, open mouthed as Deanna walked out of her apartment, and out of her life.  

* * *

It didn’t make any sense.  None of it did.  

Cas lifted her glass of whiskey and downed another shot.  She winced as the bitter liquid pooled in her stomach.  She hadn’t changed out of her dress, instead, she sat on the floor, crying, and drinking, and eating the cake Deanna had baked for her out of the box.  

She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes and groaned.  The only person who knew about the bet had been Bela.  Did Bela say something to Deanna? Why would she? What would she gain?  Suddenly angry, she picked up her phone and unlocked it.  She pulled up Bela’s number and hit the call button, waiting for her to answer.  

“Hello birthday girl,” Bela said.

“Why did you do it?” Cas slurred.

“What?”

“Bela, why? Why did you tell Deanna about the bet?” she asked angrily.  

“Sweetie I don’t know what you’re talking about.  What happened? Are you alright?  You sound smashed.”

Cas snorted.  “Deanna knows about the bet.  She left me.  I think she broke up with me.  I don’t know.  Why did you tell her, Bela? Why?” she asked.  

“I never said anything to her.  I met her like once, Cas.  Are you drunk? I’m coming over.”

“No.  You’re the only one.  You’re the only one who knows!” she snarled.  

“Sit tight.  I’ll be there soon,” Bela said before hanging up.  

Cas screamed and tossed the phone across the room.  She heard it slam against the wall and she picked up her glass once more.  

She was wrong, earlier.  Twenty six was _very_ different from twenty five.  

* * *

Deanna couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so betrayed.  

In her chest, her heart ached.  She felt as though someone had stuck a knife into her gut and wrenched it around, scrambling around her insides.  How could Cas do this to her? How could she play with her feelings, make her think that they had something real? She wiped away another set of tears that had rolled down her cheeks with the back of her hand.  She found herself missing Sam, and she pulled out her phone, quickly searching for her sister’s number and then calling her.  

“Hello?”

She sniffled.  “Hey Sam,” Deanna said.  Just hearing Samantha’s voice made her smile.  

Immediately, her sister was able to sense that something was wrong.  “Deanna, are you okay?” she asked.  

“I think I just broke up with Cas,” she said.  

Sam sucked in a breath.  “Aw shit. I’m sorry.  What happened?”

“Long story,” Deanna said sadly.

“I’ve got time,” Sam replied.

Deanna chuckled and shook her head.  “I just…just wanted to hear your voice.  I’ll be okay.”

Sam didn’t respond for a moment and then she sighed.  “Trying to get information out of you is like…hell I don’t know if there’s anything I can compare it to.  Look why don’t you take some time off.  Come over here. Spend some time with me in the sun.”

Deanna scoffed at her.  “Me, on a plane? You’ve been away for too long.”

“And you haven’t.  Deanna you need to get outta there.  Even if it’s for a little while.  Why don’t you…take the Impala out of the garage and take a drive? You and Bennie.  Take a breather.  It’ll do you good.”

“Not everyone runs away from their problems, Sam,” Deanna snapped.  Instantly, she regretted it.  

“I didn’t run away from my problems, Dee.  I just know when to move on, okay?  I’m not gonna fight with you about this right now.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s fine.  Just. I’m here, okay?  If you need me.  You know where to find me.”

Deanna smiled thinly and nodded.  “I know.  I should go.  I’ll Skype you later, punk,” she teased.  

“Yeah.  Bye Deanna.”

“Bye Sam.”

She hung up the phone and stuffed it back into her pocket.  She wondered if perhaps she had reacted too quickly, if she had said too much to Cas.  She really didn’t give her a chance to explain herself, though, she wasn’t sure if she even wanted an explanation from her.  She was so tired of it all.  Tired of lies. Tired of people turning out to be exactly what she expected.  She was tired of the world kicking dirt in her face.  She deserved better.  She deserved more than Cas lying to her.  But everyone deserved a second chance, right? She loved Cas, she knew that for a fact.  Was she willing to let her go? To let it all fall to the wayside? She chewed on her bottom lip and sighed.  She sat down on the wooden park bench, grateful for the solidity of it beneath her and she pulled out her phone once more.  She pulled up Cas’ number and hovered her finger over the call button.    

“Deanna?”

Deanna turned to her right, startled.  She squinted in the rapidly fading light and it took her a moment to make out who it was.  “Lisa?”

Lisa smiled and moved in closer toward her.  “Mind if I sit?” she asked.

Deanna looked up at Lisa and smiled.  There were a wealth of bad decisions she could make right now.  In her anger, any type of retaliation against Cas could be justified.  She glanced at her phone once more and with a feeling of resignation settling in her gut, she locked her phone and patted the empty space next to her.  “Be my guest,” she said.

Lisa beamed at her and sat down.  

She slipped her phone back into her pocket.  If there was one thing she was good at, it was making bad decisions.  


	6. Back In Your Head

"I just want back in your head. I just want back in your head. I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray."

* * *

Cas found that throwing herself back into her photography was the best way of dealing with her broken heart.  It had been a week since her birthday fiasco and she hadn’t seen or heard from Deanna since.  In a way, she was glad that the other girl was keeping her distance.  

It made it easier for her to hate her.  

She had almost called her, a few times.  It usually happened at night when she was lying alone in her bed.  That was when her heart ached the most, when she missed Deanna even more because there was nothing there to distract her.  She had walked past the diner a couple times, standing across the street, wondering if she should just walk in and try to talk to her but at the very last moment, she changed her mind and walked away instead.  

She was mad at Deanna, of course, but she was mainly mad at herself.  She was upset that she hadn’t told Deanna about the arrangement with Bela sooner.  Maybe if she had, she could have avoided the entire situation.  But at the same time, she hadn’t expected for that information to be exposed anyway.  The only person who knew was Bela.  

Or was she?

She sighed and squinted down at her photograph that was being developed.  She had snapped a couple random shots on this roll apart from the ones she had done for her portfolio.  She watched as a picture came to life in the solution below.  It was a picture of Hael and Meg sitting on the couch, laughing at something.  She didn’t remember taking it at all and she frowned as the photo stared up at her.  When was this? She thought back and suddenly, she remembered.  There was a night when she had gotten drunk with them both, incredibly drunk.  She remembered how hung over she had been the next day.  And she remembered something else.  She remembered Meg asking how her and Deanna had met at Envy where Deanna worked, and she remembered telling both Meg and Hael about Bela’s bet.  

“Fuck me,” she whispered.  She quickly removed the photo from the solution and stared at it for a moment before crumpling it in her fist.  Hael would never spill her secrets, as irritating as she could be.  

Meg, though.  Meg was a completely different animal.  Meg _would_ rat her out if she could, for no other reason than just wanting to see what happened.  

She fumed as she made her way out of the photo lab.  As she gathered her things together, she realized how stupid she had been.  She shouldn’t have waited this long to reach out to Deanna.  She shouldn’t have been so selfish.  Deanna was hurt, of course she wouldn’t reach out to Cas.  And even though it hadn’t been intentional, Cas had been the one who hurt her. Deanna was just protecting herself, and after everything she had been through, who could blame her?   

She needed to go see her.  She needed to apologize.  But before she did anything, she needed to see someone else.  

She needed to see Meg.

* * *

“You know staring at it ain’t gonna help,” Bennie teased.  

Deanna jumped and turned around.  “Jesus Christ, Bennie,” she snapped.

“Why don’t you just call her?” Bennie asked.  

Deanna huffed at her and began to busy herself with cleaning up the countertop.  “Because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You just gonna drag this cross around then? And not do anything about it?” Bennie asked.  

Deanna rounded on her.  “What am I supposed to do, Bennie?  I mean really.  Call her up and apologize? What did I do wrong?” she snapped.  

Benny lifted her hands in a placating gesture.  “I understand but…don’t you think…don’t you think you and Cas had something…special…something worth fighting for?” Bennie asked.  

Deanna ignored Bennie and walked into the kitchen.  

Of course what she and Cas had was special.  Of course it was worth fighting for.  She just couldn’t bring herself to fight anymore.  She had been fighting all her life.  Fighting her father and his alcoholism after her mom had died, fighting Sam when she went through her rebellious teenage phase.  She fought the world when she dropped out of high school so she could work and take care of Sam.  She fought the foster system.  She fought to keep them together.  She was tired of fighting.  

For once, just once, she wanted someone to fight for her.  It was all that she wanted, to know that Cas cared, that Cas missed her, and that Cas was willing to fight for her.  

* * *

She found Meg back home in the living room flipping aimlessly through a magazine.  

“Why’d you do it?” she asked as she charged into the room.  She slammed the door angrily behind her.    

Meg looked up at her, unfazed.  “Why’d I do _what_ , Cas?”

“Don’t act coy with me, Meg,” Cas snapped.  

Meg sighed and closed her magazine.  She smiled at Cas and then folded her arms across her chest. “What took you so long?” she asked.

Cas shook her head.  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Cas,” Meg said with a smile.  

“Don’t be dramatic?”

Meg smiled up at her.  “Look I…that girl wasn’t a good fit for you.  I think if you look around, you’ll find someone better suited to you and your…talents.”

Cas squinted.  “What the hell are you talking about?”

Meg sighed dramatically.  “I’m talking about me, Cas.  Oh my Goodness.  I’ve liked you for a long time, okay?  I figured that you and Deanna would break up eventually, so…I just decided to help speed things along,” she said with a smile.  

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“You know it’s true.  You both are from…different worlds, it was never gonna work out, Cas.  And…don’t you think you and I have something…better?” she asked getting up off the couch.

Cas felt sick.  “What about Hael?  How could you do this to her?”

“I like Hael, but…not as much as I like you,” Meg said.  “What do you say, Cas?  Me and you?  Come on, it’ll be fun…you’re a photographer, I’m an artist.  We make sense, Cas.”

Cas’ blood was boiling.  How Meg could do this to her she would never know.  “I’m curious, how’d you do it?” she asked, doing her best to keep her voice steady.  

“I met up with a friend at Envy.  We started chatting and I told her what happened, you know, about the bet.  I made it sound a little worse than it actually was, and I made sure one of Deanna’s friends working behind the bar overheard me,” she said with a wry grin.  

As Cas stared at Meg, she realized that the girl was being sincere.  In her own twisted way, yes, she did believe that she was a better fit for her than Deanna, and she thought that what she had done was right.  “Meg I’m not into you.  You do know that, right?”

For the first time, Meg’s mask flickered and worry danced across her face.  “That’s not true.  Cas I’ve felt chemistry between us, you’ve just gotta…let it happen,” she whispered.  She moved a step closer to Cas and smiled up at her.  

Cas shook her head.  “I need you to get out of my apartment.  If you’re here when I get back, I’m gonna punch you in the face, capiche?” Cas said.

Meg frowned.  “Cas, please, I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out and…come on…” her voice trailed off.  

“Seriously Meg.  I will punch you.  I’m gonna go.”

“Where are you going?” Meg asked.

Cas grinned.  “To get my girlfriend back.”

* * *

Deanna slid the grilled cheese sandwich onto the plate and she made an impressed face. “Not too shabby,” she said looking over at Bennie.

Bennie rolled her eyes.  “It’s a grilled cheese sandwich, Dee,” she said as she flipped a burger.  

Deanna shrugged.  “Still an accomplishment,” she said.  She doled out some fries onto the plate and went over to the window.  “Ruby! Order Up!” she called.  

Ruby’s face appeared in the window.  “Hey Deanna? There’s someone out here looking for you,” she said.  

Deanna frowned. She glanced at Bennie who was focused on her burger.  Curious, she walked over to the door.  A part of her was hoping that it was Cas, but she knew it probably wasn’t.  Maybe it was Lisa, she thought.  Ever since the night she had run into her at the park, she had promised the girl a free lunch at the diner for staying there and talking to her through the whole Cas situation.  Deanna had thought that Lisa would make a move, but surprisingly, she didn’t.  She was understanding and sympathetic, and didn’t say anything when Deanna blubbered on her shoulder.  She pushed the door open and stepped out behind the counter, scanning the room for Lisa.  

Only, it wasn’t Lisa standing in the middle of her diner with a speaker in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.  

It was Cas.  

Some of the diner’s patrons were staring at her.  Even Bennie had come out of the kitchen to watch.  

Cas hit play and a song started up.  

Deanna groaned when she realized that it was that new Justin Timberlake song, _Not A Bad Thing_.  Her entire face turned red and she planted a hand on her hip.  “Cas, what are you—”

“Deanna I fucked up,” Cas said.  She flushed and looked around at the customers.  “Sorry, my bad,” she said.  “Like I said, I messed up, big time.  And I’m sorry. But you know what would be an even bigger mistake?  Me not fighting for you.  Me not even trying to get you back.”

Deanna’s lower lip trembled but she didn’t say anything.  

“I love you, Deanna Winchester.  I love everything about you.  Seriously.  You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m sorry it took me this long to figure that out.  I’m not letting you go.  Not without a fight,” Cas said.  

Deanna’s heart pounded in her chest and she looked down.  Justin crooned on the little radio… _not such a bad thing to fall in love with me…_

Cas cleared her throat as the chorus came on again and she began to sing.  “Don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with me.” Her voice was unsteady and uncertain but she had a big smile on her face.

Deanna laughed, despite herself and covered her mouth with her hands.

“Cuz you might look around and find that your dreams come true, with me! Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free.  So don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love, with me.”

Deanna swallowed thickly and slowly began to make her way out from behind the counter. The song started up once more and Cas fumbled with the speaker.  “Leave it,” Deanna said. She walked up to Cas and stared at her.  

“I’m sorry, Dee.  I really am.  I miss you so mu—”

Deanna cut her off with a kiss to the lips.  

The entire diner erupted.  People cheered and clapped and whistled as the two girls locked lips.

Deanna wrapped her arms around Cas’ waist and smiled, happy to have her back in her arms.  

Cas pulled back and looked up into her eyes.  “I love you,” she whispered.

Deanna grinned.  “I love you too,” she replied.  

Cas placed the speaker down on a table as well as the bouquet of flowers.  “May I have this dance?” she asked with a grin.  

Deanna wiped away some tears that had crept out of her eyes and nodded. “Yeah.”

They clasped their hands together and slowly began to move to the song, right in the middle of the diner.  

“Oh, Dee, there’s something I need to ask you,” Cas said pulling back to look up at her.

Deanna frowned.  “What is it?”

Cas looked down and then she grinned.  “Will you be my plus one?”

Deanna felt her heart flutter in her chest.  “Yes.  Hell yes,” she said with a smile. She dipped down for another kiss and closed her eyes.  

In her arms, Cas was warm and strong and solid.  She held on to her tightly, not wanting to ever let her go.  

“Get a room, you two!” Bennie shouted from the back.  

Deanna rolled her eyes but pulled back to stare at Cas.  “I guess it’s time for us to have that birthday slash make up sex that we never had, now.”

Cas grinned up at her and wiggled her eyebrows.  “Let’s get out of here, Winchester,” she whispered.  

Deanna laughed and nodded.  “Okay.”

Cas grinned up at her feeling her heart swell in her chest as Deanna giggled.  

She had never heard a sweeter sound.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! I will be writing a couple additional scenes for this fic, some timestamps, with the two of them dating, having sex, etc. So, please look out for them sometime soon! :D


End file.
